Online Reporter
1. Do: Unexpected acts of kindness
Marriage can become monotonous if you aren’t careful. One day blends into the next one, then all of a sudden, it’s 50 years down the line, and you’re lucky if you can still hear or see each other.
To break the monotony happy couples surprise their loved ones with an unexpected gift or act of kindness from time to time. They know that if they just go through the motions, their old “go-to” moves will lose their flavour fast.
Flowers on a random Thursday will stick in her brain more effectively than the ones that you get her every year for your anniversary. Ladies, surprising him with the golf club he’s been eyeing will be remembered for years.
It’s not that anniversary gifts or birthday gifts are less meaningful; it’s just that they’re more expected.
You’re not surprising anyone when that anniversary date rolls around. The gift is anticipated, therefore less memorable. Take notes from happy couples and do something nice for your spouse when it’s unexpected. You’ll thank me later.
2. Don’t: Stop complimenting
Since marriage is a lengthy courtship, compliments may fall by the wayside over time. You may think that since you said “I love you” 1 000 times and told your partner that they look good from time to time, you’ve done enough.
You’re wrong.
Happy couples never stop complimenting each other. As time wears on, it’s absolutely necessary to keep your partner in the loop on how you feel and what you’re thinking.
A happy couple knows that each of them is human and they both need reassurance at times. If they feel like they’re not into each other anymore, some nasty things could potentially happen.
They could start looking for compliments elsewhere, which could easily put a strain on the trust and honesty within your relationship. It could also start to erode their self-worth and make them become a shell of their former self.
You may have married a radiant woman or dashing young man, but if you stop telling them these truths, they’ll forget faster than you do.
Keep the compliments coming.
3. Do: Nip resentment in the bud
Resentment is an insidious poison in any relationship, and in a marriage, it can lead to separation or divorce faster than you’d think.
Happy couples stop resentment at its roots by clearly communicating with each other and trying to authentically resolve issues as they arise in the relationship. No one is perfect, and negative emotions are part of being human.
Tensions will surely be strained at some point during a lifetime of partnership. Happy couples do a great job of letting their arguments not become issues that sit below the surface for years.
In fact, conflict management is one of the secrets of happy couples. It’s even beneficial to keep growing and changing the status quo. Happy couples don’t suppress resentment, though. They work through different types of communication according to context.
In summary, the greater your empathy and emotional intelligence, the more adept you become at using the appropriate communication style.
4. Don’t: Start or end your day without a kiss
In good times and bad times, having this routine keeps happy couples happy. It’s the best way to start and end your day, but it’s also a great reminder of the love that you share when things get stagnant or tense.
Knowing that the kiss is waiting regardless will keep those fights or disagreements in perspective. It’s a profound reminder that says, “I know things may be tense right now, but trust that I still love you.”
Couples that aren’t so happy take little habits like these for granted. They let one night go by or let a few mornings pass without showing a little affection to their partner, and then, before you know it, the spark that they had on their wedding day has all but vanished.
Keep the love alive and give your partner some sugar as you wake up and as you drift off to sleep. Couples who are happy know that it’s the little things that make the difference.
5. Do: Focus on the positives your partner brings
Being grateful and appreciative of your partner makes you happier. As this article on practicing gratitude states, it can also help you fight depression.
In essence, showing gratitude releases some happy chemicals in our brains. As this article on the neuroscience of gratitude summarizes, the more we release those chemicals, the more we see the positives in life.
Happy couples don’t just know this, they live it every day.
6. Don’t: Blame, but look inside first
Happy couples know that it takes individuals to create a partnership. Each one has done their personal work on letting go of judgmental thoughts. Moreover, each person approaches the partnership with curiosity and an open mind.
An important part of this is to listen deeply to your partner. What is their reality like and what are they experiencing? How are your assumptions clouding your views? With empathy, you can then share what you feel and what you need.
A useful framework for approaching conversations calmly is the non-violent communication framework.
It takes a bit of practice but the idea is to use I-statements to state what you observe and what you feel. This moves you away from the blame game.
7. Do: Spend quality time together regularly
Generally, happy couples in love want to take time out for each other. Having said that, life’s stressors sometimes take over. Perhaps you have a sick child or financial worries?
It can be hard to take time out in those situations. Nevertheless, that’s when you need it the most.
It isn’t about splurging out in a restaurant; it’s simply to be there for each other. You don’t even have to talk because touch communication is just as impactful.
Sitting next to each other on the sofa watching a 20-minute show can be enough. You can also read a book, listen to some music or go for a walk. Whatever it is, make sure you make space for each other. — marriage.com
