dyton mupawaenda
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR AMAI, I hope I find you well. I am a married woman, aged 37. I am a mother of four beautiful children.
My husband is 39 and we are both gainfully employed. My husband has a terrible weakness when it comes to faithfulness. I have struggled with this problem since the first day of our marriage.
I thought he would grow out of it, but as years have gone by, it has become worse.
We tried to resolve the issue by talking to each other, but he became very emotional and threatened me. I no longer trust him because he is an avid liar.
We have both contracted a serious sexually transmitted infection (STI) and he does not want to own up. He is the one who brought this problem into our home. I have been faithful to him and yet he wants to drag me in the mud. Amai, this is killing me. I am ashamed to seek treatment because of my standing in the community.
Response
I am very well and thanks for enquiring. Your letter made my reading very sad. You have suffered over the years and did not actively seek help.
The blame game will not get you anywhere, nor will it erase the fact that you both have a serious infection you need to deal with.
Seek treatment now because this can cause a lot of complications and misery if left unresolved.
Please go for professional counselling with your spouse and go together to seek treatment.
There is nothing to be ashamed of; you must accept it. You cannot reverse the situation. It is unfortunate that your spouse continues to lie and chase after other women. It is my hope that your lives will change once you begin counselling. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I cannot get my sister to see sense
I am a 24-year-old single lady. I will not disclose much about myself since I am writing this letter on behalf of my sister.
I do not know how to help her and I feel very sorry for her. She is married to a gardener who resides where he works and he does not want her to visit him.
My sister stays at his rural home with the in-laws and she works hard in whatever she does.
This mother of two is more of their househelp than anything.
We recently discovered that the husband has a girlfriend; that is why he is failing to provide for his family adequately. I divulged the information to my sister and I was shocked that she knew about it.
She had been told not to worry since the town lady was only a girlfriend and not a wife like her.
Amai, I kindly ask you to write to her and advise her.
Response
Greetings, dear writer. I have taken note of your concern about your sister. Unfortunately, I can only do so much since I am communicating with a third party.
I think the best course for her will be to talk to her husband about letting her visit since she is the official wife.
If it means talking to the employers, then so be it.
The justification your sister was given that the other lady is only a girlfriend does not hold water at all.
He is married and should be faithful to his wife.
There is no room to manipulate or shortchange her. If she writes to me, I will speak to her at length. I wish you all the best.
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I am not made of money
Dear Amai, I am the last-born in a family of four and I am the only graduate.
My parents and siblings think that I have a lot of money.
My wife is also degreed and we are both employed. We are blessed with a set of twins, a girl and a boy.
Our parents are old and they require routine checkups and medication every now and then. When they get prescriptions, these are sent to me all the time and yet I have siblings.
One of my brothers was even suggesting that I get them medical aid and a funeral policy.
I love my parents dearly but I cannot bear the burden alone.
All my siblings and their spouses are also employed. My wife says this is a very weird setup and she is not amused. How do we make this right?
Response
Hello and thank you very much for reaching out. It is a very unusual setup, especially considering that you had not personally volunteered for all this.
Thank you for helping even if it is at times a tall order.
As much as it is a noble thing to do the best for your parents, I think every child is duty-bound to chip in and play their part, unless in extreme cases where they are unable to do so.
In your case, even if you were wealthy beyond measure, no one would have the right to impose any responsibilities on you that you did not wish to meet.
You are a family man and you have a joint budget with your spouse. Call a family meeting and invite your siblings and their partners, and explain your scenario. You can propose to share responsibility towards the welfare of your parents.
The idea of securing medical aid and a funeral policy is ideal but it must be a collective effort.
Keep your parents out of such discussions because this may send the wrong message to them.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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