Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I am a 24-year-old man. I have a degree but for the time being I hustle to make ends meet. I met a very rich divorced woman, who is a mother of three.
She is 15 years older than me and we fell in love at first sight. This woman is loaded; she has almost everything that is important in life. I have since moved out of our family home and I am now staying with my girlfriend after two months of dating.
She gave me one of her small cars to use, so I am no longer using public transport. Her children call me dad and they are very disciplined. I have never been this happy.
I let go of my former girlfriend because I do not want to double-cross my new queen.
However, my parents do not want to hear about my new girlfriend.
They have even nicknamed her kachembere. They want me to make a choice between them or her. I have already made my choice; that is why I left home, and I am not looking back.
My parents asked to have a meeting with me. I refused. We can only have a meeting if they are prepared to come to where I am staying now. How do I make them understand that I am tired of their meddling?
Response
Hello writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. When you left home, did you tell your parents everything?
What do they need to know about your future plans? You are an adult, but your parents’ blessing is important. In my opinion, I think you should have taken a bit more time to know more about your new girlfriend.
Moving in after only two months of dating was not a good idea.
Did you ask yourself critical questions, like what caused her divorce? Do you know the father of the kids and who has legal custody over them?
You also need to ascertain if the father is in these children’s lives. Do the kids have the same dad?
I think it is in your best interest to go back home and have a meeting with your parents. You seem to be lured by material possessions and not true love. In your case, age is the least of your problems.
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How do I balance the scales?
I am a 37-year-old man. I am married and gainfully employed. My wife and I are both in the civil service and we run several projects on our plot to complement our incomes.
We are blessed with two kids, a boy and a girl. We get on well and are generally a happy family. Our parents are all alive and we do our best to assist and spend time with them.
My mother-in-law is always asking for extras on top of what we provide, so at the end of the day, she gets more than my mother.
This is not going down well with my side of the family as they think we are showing favouritism.
When she asks for these extras, she talks to me directly and this leaves me with no choice except to give in. If truth be told, my parents have more people staying at their homestead compared to my in-laws, yet they are content. Amai, how do we resolve this?
Response
Hello and well done for assisting your parents. It is very refreshing when children remember to help their parents without being pressured to do so. It is odd that your mother-in-law approaches you for additional help instead of going through her own daughter. There is something amiss. I think your issue is straightforward since you and your wife are one. I think when you distribute things next time, let her know politely that you do it equally for both sides.
If the situation is dire, then she can inform her daughter because she is the one who purchases provisions. Try this and see how it goes. I wish you all the best.
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Trying to force a donkey to drink water
Dear Amai, I am a 59-year-old woman living with my husband at our rural home. We stay with other people from our extended families, so it is always a full house.
Our son, who is abroad, wants us to go and visit his family for two months, but baba is saying we cannot both go because our home needs his or my presence.
Amai, this will be an experience of a lifetime and opportunity to take a break.
Our son and his wife have two children aged 10 and 15, and all we have seen of these grandchildren are videos and pictures.
My son is saying if baba is not keen, then I can visit alone.
What will people say about me if I leave my husband here?
Amai, please write a letter to baba telling him that I am not happy about this.
My grandson is the one who helped me compose this letter. I hope he wrote what I said word for word.
Response
Greetings, dear writer. I think your grandson did justice by noting all your concerns.
Your son is very considerate. I think it would be good if you travelled together with baba and shared new experiences. Baba is worried about who would take care of the homestead, but I am sure there are others you can leave in charge. Carefully pick from those at home someone who can fill your shoes.
If you think two months is a long time, you can do one month together. Baba can come back early and you return later.
Do not worry about what people will say as they are not part and parcel of your family; they do not know what arrangements are in place.
I cannot write a letter to your husband. I chose to address you based on your concerns and what you have described to me.
If you desperately want me to write to him, convince him to get in touch with me. It is my hope that you do not miss out on this once-in-a lifetime opportunity. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
