Appreciate, go beyond words

Laina Makuzha LOVE by DESIGN

What a roller coaster year 2023 has been on the love scene!

So many great strides worthy of celebration for some relationships, struggles for some and even sadly, tragic ending for others.

It is my hope that as we share ideas and experiences and address certain relationship topics, we help foster healthier, long lasting unions.

As the year comes to a close, it is essential for couples to reflect upon and appreciate the love and support they have received from their partners.

When you invest time, emotions, your commitment, sometimes even resources into a relationship, be it a marriage or a steady relationship, there is a level of appreciation and commitment one expects as well from their partner.

Though this may differ from individual to individual, I’ve observed that where partners adequately appreciate each other, they inevitably strengthen the bond in their relationship.

This week we are exploring the importance of appreciation, impact of the absence of appreciation and sharing a few suggestions on how to show appreciation for one’s spouse drawing inspiration from experts and Biblical wisdom to emphasise the importance of gratitude.

And by appreciation, I’m not talking about just saying the words “thank you”, though these precious words are key in everyday interaction.

Appreciation of a partner in a romantic relationship goes beyond mere words of duty or formality.

It involves genuinely recognising and valuing their efforts, qualities, and contributions and just appreciating them for who they are, what they mean to you, not necessarily only about what they do for you. When you appreciate your partner, they feel it, they see it, they know it, because among other things, you show gratitude through actions, supporting their dreams and growth, respecting their thoughts and feelings, actively listening, compromising, and creating a nurturing and loving environment.

Appreciation fosters trust, deepens emotional connection, and strengthens the bond between partners.

The lack of appreciation on the other hand, can gradually erode the bond between spouses, leading to feelings of neglect, isolation or being taken for granted.

Failure to express gratitude and appreciation within a relationship can create a void that can breed doubt, resentment, and emotional distance.

Lack of appreciation can make one’s partner feel undervalued or unwanted, leading to diminished self-esteem and a decrease in overall relationship satisfaction.

Furthermore, it can ignite a cycle of negativity and resentment, making it difficult for couples to connect emotionally.

Some of the frustrations partners feel in relationships today are exacerbated by a partner’s lack of appreciation.

Each partner has a crucial role in the building and fortifying of a relationship.

Tips for men to appreciate their spouses:

1. Verbal Affirmation: A seemingly obvious and first port of call is taking time to express your love and appreciation for your wife through heartfelt words, yet for some that seems far from their minds. This won’t even cost you a thing.

Be specific in acknowledging the virtues you admire about her, letting her know she is valued and cherished.

2. Acts of Service: We have shared about primary love languages in previous articles and doing that which makes your partner feel the most loved or valued, from Dr Gary Chapman’s renowned teaching on the primary Five Love Languages.

No matter what your primary love language is, few people would fail to enjoy acts of kindness from a spouse.

So a husband can offer assistance and support in his wife’s daily routine. Small gestures such as preparing a meal, helping with household chores, or running errands can communicate thoughtfulness and care.

3. Quality Time: Do your best to dedicate uninterrupted periods of time solely to your spouse.

Not the easiest thing to do, for those with busy schedules, but it’s not impossible.

Engage in activities that she enjoys (that means also taking the time to know what she likes), actively listen to her thoughts and feelings, and create space for meaningful conversations.

For Biblical wisdom, Ephesians 5:25 states: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This verse is often interpreted as a reminder for husbands to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially, just as Christ loved and sacrificed for the church.

Some ways for women to show appreciation for their spouses:

1. Encouragement: You can offer genuine words of encouragement, recognising your husband’s efforts and successes. Acknowledge his strengths, ambitions, and sacrifices, boosting his confidence and fostering a sense of appreciation.
2. Thoughtful Gestures: Surprise him with small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. Prepare his favourite meal, leave a loving note, or plan an outing tailored to his interests.

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These gestures demonstrate your thoughtfulness and show him he is cherished.

3. Affectionate Communication: Communicate your love and appreciation through physical touch, tender words, and heartfelt gestures. Demonstrate your admiration and desire for him, reaffirming your commitment to the relationship.

These are far from being exhaustive, no doubt you have many other examples. Think of it this way: What can you do that says to your partner: “I appreciate you” or “I love you”?

For women, Ephesians 5:22, states, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord.” It is important to note that biblical interpretations can vary, but when you meditate on this Word, and open your heart for the teaching of the Holy Spirit, you will know and experience what it really means to align with the true meaning of this divine instruction.

Renowned relationship researcher, John M Gottman, says: “The most successful marriages involve partners who intentionally engage in a lifelong process of fondness and admiration.”

Dr Gary Chapman, author of  “The 5 Love Languages,” affirms, “Appreciation is one of the most important emotional needs for both men and women.”

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 b.

Reciprocal appreciation is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. As this year ends, if you know that you have been slack in this area, or have been taking your partner for granted, may I encourage you to purpose in your heart to do better in the new year.

When you appreciate your partner, you express your love, encourage them, and reward them for being who they are to you. I reckon your appreciation also says to them, things like: “You mean the world to me, I’ve got your back, your heart’s in the right hands, I’ll stand with you…”. Remember the wise counsel of experts, and draw strength from Biblical wisdom, or wisdom of the elders in cultivating a strong relationship rooted in gratitude and love. Here’s to ending this year on a bright, positive note and embracing an amazing, love-filled prosperous new year 2024.

Share your thoughts, experiences, or send questions and contributions on the topic.

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