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Mabasa Sasa Sunday Mail Editor
WHAT would the world be without conspiracy theories?In a world without conspiracy theories, Caps United would have to admit that the gods simply do not love them as much as they love Dynamos; Morgan Tsvangirai would have to accept that he just does not have what it takes to win a national election; and the fat, ungainly, squint-eyed moron at the back of the class would have to concede that the most popular girl in school is not attracted to him because he is no Don Juan.
We need conspiracy theories as defence mechanisms to protect fragile egos and limp intellects, to justify our failures. We also need them to keep us entertained.
Consider the following conspiracy theory as a classic example of one created to give us a lark. Back in the early 2000s, Wilf Mbanga’s The Zimbabwean newspaper ran a piece which -if I recall correctly -was lifted from some murky website.
I can’t give you the exact date of the publication because The Zimbabwean’s online archives are as unhelpful as their general reporting. The Zimbabwean no longer exists as a print publication in Zimbabwe, though its ghost continues to haunt the worldwide web.
Its demise was not the result of any conspiracy theory. It was the result of lousy content. May its soul rest in the kind of peace it never wished for this nation. But let’s get back on track. The Zimbabwean ran a piece that goes something like this:
“Sometime in 1998-99 when Zimbabwe entered the DRC as part of Operation Sovereign Legitimacy, the country’s troops moved swiftly to secure a nuclear reactor on the outskirts of Kinshasa.
“In the time that the reactor was under Zimbabwean military control, two – or maybe three – enriched nuclear fuel rods were moved to the Alaska area of Mashonaland West.
“Some months – or maybe years – later, those rods turned up in Italy when 13 fellows were arrested while trying to sell them on the bLack market to the Mafia.” And then the story died. Much like the publication that carried it.
Sure, some have nibbled at the sordid crumbs of the story since. These include Stratfor, that American intelligence “platform”, and other publications like The Telegraph, who both talk of President Mugabe sending troops to the DRC’s Shinkolobwe Mine to get uranium which would be enriched by a reactor built by the Argentinians.
Others scream about Zimbabwe dealing in the dark arts of nuclear politics with Iran and North Korea, falling short of making us part of that thing that the United States very unimaginatively called the “Axis of Evil”, but very rightly called an “unusual and continuing threat” to their foreign policy.
The conspiracy theorists go on to say Zimbabwe dreams of becoming a nuclear power because of the uranium deposits found in Kanyemba district.
Apparently, according to Gift Chimanikire, Esq – who had his moment in the sun as Deputy Mines Minister in the inclusive Government – Zimbabwe actually signed a deal to supply Iran with that uranium. His claim, like his political career, is idle.
Chimanikire’s then boss, Dr Obert Mpofu, came with the perfect rejoinder: “We are free to trade with all countries, but the ministry has not signed any contract about uranium with Tehran.”
He went on to say that Zimbabwe was a free country, and as such, why should it sign secret trade pacts? This week, President Mugabe is in Iran for President Hassan Rouhani’s inauguration. The conspiracy theorists will raise their empty heads again.
Never mind that Zimbabwe has never possessed nuclear weapons, has been a state party to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty since 1991, has signed the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty, is a member of the Conference on Disarmament, and has ratified the African Nuclear Weapon-Free Zone Treaty.
Never mind that Kanyemba has just 450 000 tonnes of uranium ore, of which 20 000 are commercially extractable and will be depleted within five years of mining.
Never mind that you can’t trade uranium on an open market. You can’t go to Mbare Musika and set up a stall for yellow cake. Buyers and sellers negotiate contracts privately, and according to prices published by independent market consultants Ux Consulting and TradeTech on August 2, 2017, Kanyemba’s extractable uranium was worth just below a billion US bucks. Sounds like a lot, right? But not at the extractive and political cost that comes with it.
And never mind that it is a huge step from finding uranium deposits to producing high-grade plutonium that can be used for military purposes. The conspiracy theorists will be out in full force. They will talk about axes of evil and outposts of tyranny.
And they will remain blind to the reality that the peoples of our two nations have been friends from the 13th century when our forebears traded in gold and ivory.
They will remain deaf to the ringing sound of unity and liberty of 1979 as Zimbabwe prepared for Uhuru under President Mugabe, as Iran celebrated the Islamic Revolution inspired by Imam Khomeini.
And I will not claim to be an Islamic scholar, but who can fail to see the resemblance in the Reappearance of the 12th Imam and Charwe Nyakasikana’s declaration: “Mapfupa angu achamuka”?
Today, in addition to our shared struggle and triumph over the forces that would want to bring us to our knees, we also talk of Zimbabwean-Iranian co-operation in trade, technology transfer, agriculture, education and de- fence.
The sanctions we have jointly suffered for more than two decades have not eroded the friendship; if anything the blood ties run deeper, truer and stronger.
We are the nations, as Caesar Zvayi puts it, that the West would have rather not seen born; children of a lesser god.
So as President Mugabe visits Tehran to toast President Hassan Rouhani on his re-election, we too toast our liberation and fight for dignity in a world that does not see that we are part of an axis of triumph and an outpost of empowerment.
Online Reporter