Dear Amai, I hope this letter finds you well. I am a 28-year-old woman and my husband is 31. We are blessed with a son.
My husband comes from a very close-knit family with an older brother and two sisters, all of whom are married. Lately, my brother-in-law has been sending me inappropriate content on social media, which I have been deleting without responding.
However, last week he sent me a message explicitly confessing his love for me. I am deeply frightened and unsure of how to handle this delicate situation. Please help me.
Response
I am doing very well, thank you for asking.
Your brother-in-law has completely lost his mind, showing a total lack of respect for his brother and ignoring all appropriate boundaries.
I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish with this behaviour. You need to be firm and tell him to stop this nonsense immediately, making it clear that you will inform your husband if he continues.
If his behaviour does not change, you should report him to the police for harassment. Please feel free to update me on how things turn out.
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Did I speak out of turn?
Dear Amai, two months ago, my husband and I visited his parents at their rural home.
The house was extremely untidy and to make matters worse, it was infested with bedbugs. We suffered terribly during our weekend stay, though fortunately, we had left our children behind.
There is another upcoming event at the homestead, so I suggested to my husband that we bring our camping tents to sleep in overnight. He became furious and walked out in a huff, completely dismissing my idea and telling me he would prefer if I stayed behind.
I am confused and genuinely do not understand why he reacted so angrily. Please help me make sense of this.
Response
Greetings, dear writer, and thank you for reaching out. You omitted your ages, but I assume you and your husband have been married for some time.
I am surprised by your approach and your failure to navigate these sensitive family dynamics tactfully. While your desire to avoid bedbugs is understandable, taking camping tents to your in-laws’ homestead is culturally taboo and deeply offensive.
The only respectful solution was to discreetly fumigate the main house and replace the affected beds with affordable ones, framing the gesture as a thoughtful home upgrade rather than a correction.
Your in-laws and their home deserve dignity and honour. As the Shona adage goes, “chirere chigokurerawo”— it is now your turn to care for and uplift your elders. Apologise to your husband for the misunderstanding and work on fixing the problem. I wish you all the best.
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Between a rock and a hard place
Makadii, Amai? I am a 27-year-old man and my fiancée is 24. We recently went to consult her tete as I am planning to pay lobola this coming December.
I disclosed to her that I had saved US$8 000 for the ceremony, but I was shocked when she informed me that her father is demanding a total of US$12 000.
I have already exhausted all my savings. I love my girlfriend deeply but I am now completely confused and overwhelmed.
How best can I navigate this situation without compromising my future?
Response
Ndiripo kana muripowo. Well done for saving such a substantial amount. Do not lose heart just yet, as you can still plead your case through your tete, who will likely help mediate.
Proceed with your plans for December because, on the actual day of the ceremony, the two families will negotiate and reach a reasonable compromise. Your efforts are commendable and your intentions are noble. In hindsight, disclosing your exact savings was a misstep, as knowing your precise budget gave them leverage to push for a higher figure.
Remember that lobola is intended as a symbolic token of appreciation and family union, not a tool for self-enrichment, so your future father-in-law’s stance is indeed a cause for concern.
You are marrying into an entire family, so take time to observe and understand the different characters on her side, as this insight will help you navigate future domestic dynamics. Stand tall, proceed confidently with your preparations, and I wish you all the very best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
