Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie
I am a married woman age 32 and my husband is 40 years of age. My problem is that I work fulltime and my husband does part-time work. He is a casual worker at a canning company, and the problem is that when he is not going to work, he does not want to do any other work. He prefers to spend the whole days sleeping. I am strained by bills and I have discussed this with him and he does not change. I am getting fade up by his attitude.
Tete Joyie Says:
I hear the frustration in what you are describing. It sounds like you are carrying the weight of the household responsibilities while your husband is not contributing in the way you need. That imbalance can feel exhausting and unfair, especially when you have already tried to talk with him and nothing changes.
Here are some structured ways you might approach this situation:
Communication
Express your feelings clearly: Instead of focusing only on what he is not doing, share how his behaviour makes you feel (e.g, stressed, unsupported, overwhelmed).
Set boundaries: Let him know what you can and cannot continue to handle alone.
Use “we” language: Frame the issue as a shared challenge (“We need to figure out how to manage bills together”) rather than just his problem.
Household responsibilities
Divide tasks explicitly: Write down what needs to be done weekly (chores, errands, bills) and agree on who does what.
Small commitments: Even if he’s tired, ask him to take on manageable tasks (like cooking once a week or handling laundry).
Accountability check-ins: Review together at the end of the week what was done and what wasn’t.
Financial pressure
Budget together: Sit down and go through income vs. expenses so he sees the strain clearly.
Explore extra income options: Could he pick up another part-time role, freelance work, or training for a more stable job?
Emergency plan: Decide what happens if bills can’t be met this makes the consequences real.
Relationship health
Counselling support: Sometimes a neutral third party (like a counsellor) helps break through resistance.
Revisit shared goals: Remind each other of the bigger picture whether it’s saving for a home, raising kids, or simply building a stable life.
Self-care for you: Protect your own energy by carving out time for rest, hobbies, or supportive friends.
You have already tried talking, so the next step may be setting firmer boundaries and making clear what you need in order to feel respected and supported. If he continues to ignore those needs, you’ll have to decide whether you can accept the situation as it is or whether change is necessary for your own wellbeing.
Marital strain as brother-in-law crosses boundaries
Dear Tete Joyie:
Hope I hope I find you well, my brother-in-law is too friendly with my wife and I am not comfortable. My wife tries to avoid him every time we have family gatherings, but he keeps coming so close to her and gives tight hugs. I feel like punching him because he is so disrespectful.
Tete Joyie Says:
I can tell this situation is making you feel angry and disrespected, and that is completely understandable. When someone crosses boundaries with your spouse, especially in a way that makes both of you uncomfortable, it can feel like a direct challenge to your dignity and your marriage.
The key here is to protect your relationship and set boundaries without letting anger push you into actions you might regret. Here are some constructive steps:
Managing your emotions
Pause before reacting: Violence will only escalate the situation and could damage family ties or even put you in legal trouble.
Channel the anger: Use that energy to be firm and clear in setting boundaries rather than physical confrontation.
Communication with your wife
Acknowledge her efforts: She is already trying to avoid him, which shows she respects your feelings.
Agree on a united front: Decide together how you will respond if he tries to hug her again for example, she could step back and say: “I am not comfortable with hugs.”
Setting boundaries with your brother-in-law
Direct but respectful confrontation: At the next gathering, calmly but firmly tell him, “Please respect our space. My wife is not comfortable with hugs.”
Public setting advantage: Saying this in front of others makes it clear you’re serious and discourages him from repeating it.
Non-negotiable stance: If he ignores you, limit contact or leave the situation showing that you won’t tolerate disrespect.
Protecting your marriage
Reassure your wife: Let her know you see her efforts and that your frustration is with him, not her.
Stay aligned: The strength of your response comes from both of you being consistent in how you handle him.
You are right to feel upset, but the most powerful move is to assert boundaries calmly and consistently. That way, you protect your wife, your marriage, and your own dignity without letting him drag you into conflict.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
