Andrew
Ex-schoolmate reporting
me to hubby
DEAR Amai, how are you? I have an issue that is breaking my heart. Recently, a woman I went to high school with joined the company where my husband works. She currently shares the office with three others including my husband. She has told my husband each little thing that I ever did at school. From the boyfriends I dated and even the teenage mischief we got up to. She has even shown him some old prom photos I had taken with my ex, who is now married.
It seems my husband is encouraging her to say more and more because he is now using some of the information against me. I called the woman and told her to stop it immediately or I would expose her to her husband as well. We had a big verbal fight with my hubby, which almost degenerated to a physical one after I told the woman off. Please help.
I do not want to take the law into my own hands; what can I do to stop this?
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. As you rightfully say, it is not wise for you to take the law into your own hands. I see no relevance in dwelling on the past. You are a married woman now. It is bad enough your husband befriended this woman, continuously asking her for information to discredit you does not show a united front. Who is more important to him, his wife or a colleague? I think you need a counsellor to try to straighten this out. Your husband must try to keep his distance from this woman. She seems to be determined to dig up skeletons from the past and I wonder why? Is she also not trying to snatch him from you?
Where does all this bad blood come from? Remain composed and work on your marriage and getting your husband to let bygones be bygones. It would serve him best to appreciate what you have become rather than judge you based on high school mishaps. Stop resorting to violence. The results are never productive.
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Boss’ daughter is a pain
I am a 26-year-old gardener. I love my job and I am attending night school. I hope to better myself one day. My employers support my schooling endeavours. Everything was going well until their daughter, who has a crush on me, started harassing me. She has been sending me inappropriate pictures. I have not confided in anyone, but it is a big temptation.
She wants us to have a secret affair. I do not want to lose my employers’ trust. How can I resolve this? I wanted to tell her father, but I am scared.
Response
The truth will set you free. You are saying this is a big temptation, please do not give in to it. I do not know her exact age, but if she is a minor, that will also pose a problem as this would be criminal.
Inform her that she must stop harassing you as you are not interested and only focused on school. Avoid her at all costs. If she persists, report her to her father and show him the messages.
If you are innocent as you say, you have nothing to worry about. If these people are funding your school project as well as paying you, I think they are good people who can be trusted to deal with this issue without any bias.
Do not let this wayward girl ruin the good thing you have going for yourself. Give her a firm last warning and proceed to out her if she does not change her ways.
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Out of options
Hello Amai. I am a 20-year-old woman married to a 21-year-old husband. We have a one-year-old child. I eloped. He did not have any money to pay lobola for me. My parents have shunned both of us because of this.
We live from hand-to-mouth. To make matters worse, we are now in a predicament where we are unable to pay rent. He suggests we go and stay with his parents in the rural areas.
I cannot agree to this because his mother hates me. She claims I deprived her child of a good life. He should have worked first before he rushed to get married. What can I do to try to solve this situation?
Response
Hello writer. Your issue is not that complicated, but it remains difficult all the same. In this economy, having children when both of you are not working is not advisable.
Furthermore, both you and the father have no current projects you are doing to try to raise funds.
Turning to a rural life may help you out in terms of rentals, but you will still need to earn your keep. Cultivating crops and keeping livestock to sell are the most common avenues used to raise revenue in the rural areas.
As for your mother-in-law, she is wrong to shift the blame on you.
You are the mother of her grandchild, she should treat you with more respect. Try to get your husband to stand up for you more and drive this point home.
Once you are on your feet, he should put something towards lobola, no matter how little.
It will go a long way in mending bridges. As it stands, culturally, you are not married, mukubika mapoto.
I wish you all the best.
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