Sundaymail Editor
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 24-year-old woman and I have been going out with a 28-year-old guy for the past three months.
We seemed to have started on a very good note. We loved and respected each other. Both of us are gainfully employed.
However, he gets far more than what I earn. Last week, I sent him a list of what I wanted. To be exact, I asked him to pay my rent and buy me standard groceries. I was shocked by his response. He was upset and walked out on me. I am failing to come to terms with his reaction.
Amai, is there anything wrong in asking your boyfriend to assist you? I have tried to call him, but he is not picking up my calls. He is also not responding to several emails that I have sent him. What do you make of this situation, Amai?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. It is very sad that you broke up. However, in your communication, you indicated that you are gainfully employed and, I assume, self-sufficient. I then do not understand why you feel entitled to give your boyfriend a list of what you want. You acted prematurely and it cost your relationship.
Three months is a very short period. You were still strangers. You scared him off before you even got time to study his character. I suggest you stop giving him pressure by emailing or calling him every now and then.
Try to keep your distance; maybe he will calm down and eventually get in touch. Keep your pride. I wish you all the best.
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I’ve fallen in love with brother-in-law
Thank you for your column in The Sunday Mail. I follow it religiously and have benefitted a lot from it. I am a high school learner staying with my married elder sister. They have a very decent life and are a true family.
My father passed away when I was in primary school and I have been part of my sister’s family since then.
They have three beautiful kids. My other siblings take turns to look after our mother, who stays at our rural home.
My brother-in-law has over the years been calling me his younger wife. He would kiss me and fool around with me whenever my sister was away.
He made me promise that I would never tell my sister, which I did. He spoils me with money and gifts. The problem is that I am now in love with babamukuru. I even feel jealous of my sister. I am confused. He is further promising to marry me after university. Please, help. What should I do?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for writing in. It is sad that you follow this column religiously yet you go against what I always preach.
I passionately encourage people to live in harmony and look out for each other, which you are not doing. You are playing a very dangerous game. Your brother-in-law may end up in jail.
You did not give us your age, but if he started abusing you when you were still in primary school, then you should report him to law-enforcement agencies since he was committing a crime.
You are back-stabbing your sister after all she has done for you. Shame on you for biting the hand that feeds you. If the truth be told, your brother-in-law is simply manipulating you and may not have any intentions to marry you.
He is already married and has a family. Babamukuru is simply ruining your future by disturbing your schoolwork, among other things. There should be no secrets between you and your sister. I suggest you let the cat out of the bag and go for professional counselling.
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Boss refusing to pay what she owes me
I am a 25-year-old lady and mother of one. I never married the father of my child because we were two different people. He has neither visited his son nor paid child support from the start, and I am struggling.
I got employed as a maid in January this year so that I could help my parents look after my child. However, the lady I work for borrowed some money from me two months ago, saying she had an emergency. I gave her all the money I had, but she is now failing to pay back, as she keeps giving me excuses.
She says she does not want her husband to know about it, but I now want my money back. How best can I deal with the situation?
Response
Your letter makes for sad reading. I will start with the father of your child. Please, go to the civil court and claim child maintenance.
He is bound by law to cater for his child’s welfare. Well done for going out to work so as to be self-sufficient. I am sorry that your boss is now refusing to pay what she owes you.
Did she sign for the money she borrowed? Is there any proof that she owes you? I am asking these questions because she can deny ever borrowing money from you.
Try to talk to her and if she is not forthcoming, talk to her husband so that he can intervene.
It is your money and you should get it back. You trusted her and she should have honoured that trust by doing the honourable thing. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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