Moffat Mungazi
Dear Tete Joyie:
SHOWING affection destroys a relationship, according to my boyfriend.
He refuses to kiss or cuddle me.
We have been together for two years.
He is 26, I am 24, and love him to bits.
I have tried to explain how I feel when he is so distant physically, but he says it would drive us apart.
He said his parents were all kisses and cuddles, but still cheated on each other, which he hated to see.
I feel lonely and rejected, like I can never get close to him.
How can I get him to change? I
love him but need him to show me I’m loved
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you are facing a tough emotional challenge. You deeply love your boyfriend, and want to feel his love through physical affection, but he has strong personal reasons for avoiding it.
His experience with his parents seems to have shaped his belief that affection leads to betrayal, which is clearly painful for him.
That said, affection is a fundamental part of many relationships, and it is understandable that you feel lonely and rejected.
Love is not just about words, it is also about the actions that make you feel safe and valued.
Instead of trying to “change” him, focus on understanding each other’s needs.
Maybe frame the conversation around what love means to both of you.
If physical affection is a way you receive love, share that openly, and ask him how he feels loved.
See if there is a middle ground — a way to show care that does not trigger his past fears, but still fulfils your emotional needs.
If he is open to exploring this together, couples counselling could help unpack these emotional walls and find new ways to connect.
But if he remains unwilling to compromise, you may have to ask yourself whether this dynamic will bring you long-term happiness.
You deserve to feel loved and cherished.
If physical closeness is important to you, your feelings matter just as much as his fears.
Keep listening, keep expressing yourself, but also make sure your own needs aren’t continuously overlooked.
Relationships thrive on mutual understanding — not sacrifice from just one side.
***************
The challenge of letting go without hurting
Dear Tete Joyie:
HOW do I end my relationship without breaking my girlfriend’s heart?
I am 30, and this is my first really serious relationship.
My girlfriend is 27 and is divorced. We have been together for just over a year.
I am very unhappy right now.
I like her a lot, but am not in love with her.
We are booked to go away together over the weekend, and am dreading it because I know this is not the right relationship for me.
I don’t like to cause anyone pain, and I don’t know how to handle this.
It is on my mind all the time, and it is driving me mad.
Tete Joyie Says:
Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when you genuinely care about the other person.
But staying in a relationship that does not feel right for you is not fair to either of you in the long run.
Honesty, kindness, and clarity are key here.
She deserves to know how you feel, and while it may hurt, prolonging the relationship will likely cause more pain.
The best approach is to have an open, heartfelt conversation with her preferably in a private and calm setting where you both have time to process.
You might say something like: “I care about you deeply, but I have been feeling for a while that we are not the right match in the long run. I don’t want to hurt you, but I need to be honest with both of us.”
Avoid vague reasoning or giving false hope, it is kinder to be clear so she can move forward.
If the planned getaway is adding pressure, you may want to talk to her before the trip, rather than pretending everything is fine.
She will likely appreciate the honesty, even if it is painful at first.
Breakups are tough, but being upfront and respectful will help both of you heal.
The fact that you care about her feelings already shows you are someone who values empathy, which will help guide you through this. Take a deep breath you have got this.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
Online Reporter