Moffat Mungazi
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have been with my boyfriend for two years and eight months.
I love him dearly and would do anything to make him happy. My problem is that when he says he is going to the pub with friends or going to see friends, I become this sulky person and don’t know why I am like this.
He has never given me any reason to doubt him or not trust him.
In my past relationship my ex had an affair for three to four months.
I found out (after we spilt up) that when he said he was going to see friends he was meeting the other girl.
I don’t know if this has anything to do with the way I am now or not.
I really want to save my relationship and I have no idea on how I can do this?
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you deeply love your boyfriend and want to build a healthy, trusting relationship, but your past experience has left lingering doubts that surface even though he is done nothing wrong.
That makes complete sense — your previous heartbreak left an emotional imprint, and your mind is trying to protect you from getting hurt again.
The good news?
You recognise that your reaction is not about him, but rather about your past pain resurfacing.
That is a powerful first step in healing.
Trust takes time to rebuild, even when the person you’re with has never broken it.
Here are a few ways you can work through this:
1. Acknowledge your feelings without shame — It is okay to feel uneasy. Instead of pushing these emotions away, sit with them and remind yourself that they stem from past hurt, not present reality.
2. Communicate openly — Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.
Not in a way that accuses him or asks him to change his behaviour, but in a way that helps him understand what you’re experiencing.
A supportive partner will want to help.
3. Challenge your thoughts — When you start feeling anxious or sulky about him going out, ask yourself: “Has he done anything to make me doubt him?” If the answer is no, remind yourself that this is a fear rooted in the past, not the present.
4. Strengthen your independence — Investing in your own hobbies, friendships, and personal growth can help shift your focus away from worry. When you feel secure in yourself, it becomes easier to let go of fears.
5. Consider professional support — If these feelings persist or start affecting your relationship deeply, talking to a therapist could help.
They can guide you in processing past trauma and strengthening your ability to trust.
You love your boyfriend and want your relationship to thrive—that is a beautiful thing.
Healing takes time, but with effort and communication, you can work through these emotions and build an even stronger bond.
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Parents unkind to hubby
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am so upset and annoyed!
I really need some advice.
My parents are being incredibly unkind to my husband and it is making my life difficult.
We have been married for over a year now and are very happy together.
They seem to have a problem with the fact that I am 22 — he is 15 years older than me, and is unemployed at the moment due to a back injury.
I am an only child and understand that my parents had huge dreams and big plans for me.
They probably think that I have let myself down and have married beneath me.
At the moment we have moved in with them as we are not able to afford a place of our own yet.
My husband is determined that we have our own home, and is already making plans for when he is fit enough to resume work.
The atmosphere in the house is unbearable with their nasty and snide comments.
I am really fed up, and now becoming increasingly embarrassed by having to defend their behaviour to my husband, who thinks they are awful.
I do actually agree with him, but hate it when he says that.
Tete Joyie Says:
That sounds incredibly difficult, you are stuck between wanting to support your husband and wanting your parents to respect your choices.
It is clear that you deeply love your husband and believe in your marriage, but the environment you are living in is putting a strain on everything.
Your parents might still see you as their child, someone they had great hopes for, and they probably imagined a different future for you.
But that does not justify their behaviour or give them the right to belittle your husband.
This is not just about their expectations; it is about basic respect.
Here are a few things that might help:
1. Set boundaries — You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home.
Calmly but firmly communicate that their comments are hurtful and damaging—not just to your husband, but to you as well.
2. Find moments for honest conversation — If emotions are too heated right now, perhaps a private talk with them (when things are calmer) could help them understand how much their behaviour is hurting you.
3. Present a united front — Let your husband know that you support him and appreciate his patience.
At the same time, remind him that reacting negatively to their behaviour might make things worse.
4. Stay focused on your goals — It sounds like you two are working towards financial independence and moving out.
That is a great step toward minimising this tension. Keeping that goal in sight might help you power through the current frustration.
5. Limit emotional exhaustion — You should not have to constantly defend their behaviour to your husband.
Acknowledge his feelings, but do not put the burden on yourself to make excuses for them. Instead, focus your energy on keeping your relationship strong.
Would it help to explore ways to expedite moving out?
That way, you both can have space to build your life without this negativity looming over you. No matter what, remember that you deserve happiness and respect.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
Online Reporter