Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
MANY of us know about pain,or actually bear scars. The relative or friend who betrayed you. Perhaps the ex who “played a number” on you.
The boss who humiliated you in that meeting years back . . . These memories are like heavy stones in our pockets – weighing us down as we walk into a new year.
Yet here we are in 2026, standing at the threshold of fresh opportunities. And the question is simple, but profound: will you carry that heavy weight into this year, or let it go?
True, letting go is easier said than done. We have talked about it in previous editions of this column, and some have written to say, “But how do I actually release the pain? I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”
Remember, forgiveness and release are not one‑time events. They are daily choices, and maybe a lot of work,for some, especially when trying to do it alone.
But look at the alternative: ie holding on. What does replaying the hurt do to your ability to love, to enjoy love, or even to accept love?
When you clutch yesterday’s pain, your hands are too full to receive today’s blessings. You may find yourself suspicious of kindness, resistant to intimacy, or unable to trust even those who genuinely care. What a price to pay!
Oliver Brooks, in his January 2026 article “The Specific Way to End a Toxic Thought Loop”, explains that replaying old wrongs traps us in mental cycles that drain energy and distort perspective. Breaking those loops requires intentional focus on the present, not the past.
He says: “You tell yourself you’ve “moved on”.
You’ve changed jobs, cities, partners. Yet a single random trigger – a song, a name, a street – and the same toxic loop starts. What you should have said. What they should have done . . . So the loop begins: replay the moment, rewrite the script, rehearse a justice that never arrives. It’s not just rumination; it’s a private courtroom in your head where you’re the exhausted judge, the furious lawyer and the only witness. And the trial never ends.
Brooks mentions an individual who was still raging at a university roommate more than a decade after they last spoke. “One Facebook memory popped up – a photo in a shared kitchen – and she lost two hours of her evening arguing with him in her head. She was shaking so hard she dropped a glass.
“On paper, her life was fine. Great job, close friends, stable relationship. Offline, inside her skull, that old roommate still had VIP access. Every time something felt unfair in the present, her brain used him as the villain in a rerun. Like a show you secretly hate, but keep streaming anyway.”
He adds: “That case isn’t rare. A 2020 study in ‘Clinical Psychological Science’ found that people who ruminate on interpersonal hurts report higher stress, worse sleep and more physical pain. Not ‘psychological pain’, real, measurable aches. The past literally weighs on your neck and back.”
The cost of holding on also includes emotional weight, relational distance and spiritual stagnation.
Spiritual stagnation: Scripture warns us that unforgiveness blocks the flow of God’s grace. Remember this verse which I have referred to a lot in the past few weeks as we prepared to welcome the new year: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).
Logically, we know those situations are not in our lives anymore. The ex has moved on, dating someone else,enjoying life. The old boss has probably forgotten your name. The friend who betrayed you posts motivational quotes on Instagram while you fantasise about telling everyone what they did.
See how dwelling on the hurt can translate to self-sabotage?
The beauty of letting go
Now imagine the opposite. Imagine unclenching your fists, dropping the stones, and stepping forward with open hands. What you stand to gain is far more beautiful than what you lose, in my view.
What you gain includes peace of mind, capacity for love with a healed heart and spiritual renewal: As Isaiah 43:18,19 declares, “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert”.
Practical steps to release the past
Name the hurt. Acknowledge what happened. Denial keeps wounds festering.
Pray it out. Lay the pain before God daily. Philippians 3:13 reminds us to “forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead.”
Replace the loop. When the memory resurfaces, consciously shift your focus to gratitude or a new goal.
Seek community. Share your journey with trusted friends or mentors who can remind you of your progress.
A new canvas in 2026
Think of this year as a blank canvas. You can paint over last year’s dark strokes with vibrant colours of hope, joy, and love. You can sketch new relationships, shade in new opportunities, and highlight new dreams. The past may have left smudges, but the Creator of your life is offering fresh brushes. Will you take them?
My imploring word to you, dear reader is: do not carry last year’s baggage into this year, no matter how tempting. Drop the heavy “stones”. If you prayed about finding love,a partner or being found – whichever suits your fancy, you may miss your opportunity while blinded by the past hurts.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Share your reflections and questions about the topic, in the comments section below, or reach out on:
Whatsapp/SMS: +263719102572, Facebook: naledi2011(Naledi Laina Makuzha)
