hint for Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom to take a long walk off a short plank.
Their heroes Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner cannot be spied anywhere in the fourth movie: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.
Oh well, not a huge loss, is it, really?
No, the only person fans absolutely must see is Jonny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.
And Depp is back in exchange for a chest full of treasure – otherwise known as a £21million pay cheque.
It is a fair trade, because Depp is worth every penny of his bounty. He lights up the cinema as the loveable scoundrel Sparrow. Even better his braids and bullets swish in 3D.
This time Captain Jack is in search of the fountain of youth – a quest followed by pretty much everyone in Hollywood.
Imagine what would happen if someone did find it – miles of plastic surgeons joining the dole queue.
Anyway, Jack has to team up with Captain Barbossa (the wonderful Geoffrey Rush) and a woman from his past called Angelica in order to find it.
Jack is just as interested in her precious cups, as the ones which must be drunk from to provide everlasting life.
Not surprising as Angelica is played by the always watchable Penelope Cruz. An Oscar-winning star who keeps ascending.
On Stranger Tides some odd things do wash up on shore. Lovejoy, aka Ian Mcshane, has turned up as Blackbeard. McShane is now an antique himself, developing new lines on his face every time he smiles fiendishly. He also makes for a very fun baddie.
The other fresh characters are the impressive Sam Claflin as missionary Philip and the gorgeous Astrid Berges-Frisbey as a mermaid called Syrena.
The budget has reportedly been slashed, but it is hard to tell.
Murderous mermaids fly from the waters biting the throats of sailors, there are zombie pirates and a fire breathing ship.
This is more like the fun original, with jokes hitting the mark.
It breaths new life into the Caribbean series, but even Captain Jack’s attraction cannot be eternal.
Can it?
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides opens on Wednesday. – thesun.
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