Andrew
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
They say the guilty are always afraid. That is exactly how I feel. I have been a full-time housewife for the past two years.
I have been getting borehole water from next door, but without the owner’s knowledge.
I get on well with the maid and gardener; we have strong bonds. However, our neighbours are very mean, and I hardly speak to them.
I did not even tell my husband about my deal with the domestic workers. Just last week, the other neighbour from the other side of the precast wall caught us red-handed.
She did not say anything to me. Instead, she asked these workers if they had permission from their bosses to give me water.
They did not answer.
They just pulled the hosepipe back into their yard.
Nobody has said anything to me so far, but I am unsettled and afraid. Should I tell my husband about this or confess to the owners? Do you think the other neighbour said something? I now feel like a fool. Please, advise me.
Response
I think you must live past the fear now. I was shocked that the other neighbour reprimanded you. Do you not get along with them as well? Either way, you got the message and stopped.
A week has elapsed, and I do not think anything is going to happen. However, come clean to your husband.
You may need his support if this issue is to ever erupt. It was wrong of you to use a resource for which you did not seek permission to use.
Had the roles been reversed, how would you feel? In future, do not manipulate other people’s employees. They could lose their jobs over this. I always advise people to be friendly towards their neighbours in good and bad times.
They are always the first in line to assist or partake in whatever event you may be hosting.
Granted, some people prefer their privacy. Create an aura of always being open and welcoming. I think you learnt your lesson. If it does come out, apologise whole-heartedly and try to be a better person going forward.
****************
Rot in my church
Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a middle-aged woman and I have two children. I am gainfully employed. I belong to the ruwadzano guild of one of the orthodox churches. As mothers, we decided to come up with a catering committee to oversee food provision at all church functions. Each time we host an event, members contribute in cash or kind so that we have provisions.
Of late, accountability of the food items has been deliberately ignored or people just do not bother any more. A handful of members and I have discovered that those in charge of purchasing food buy more than what is needed.
At the end of the event, they share the leftovers among themselves. This is not fair because they are benefiting at the expense of others.
Amai, would it be wrong if we let our leaders know about this? The other problem is how safe will I be? Someone may spill the beans.
Response
Hello, and thanks for writing in. After going through your letter, I concluded that you have the right to be concerned. Whatever is done by a group should benefit the group in its entirety.
That means, even the leftover stuff, few as it may be, must be evenly shared among all the members.
You can approach your leaders to make sure purchasing procedures run better. You may even suggest more emphasis be put on budgeting so that the proportionate number of resources is bought and utilised at every function. Great leaders have a way of dealing with such issues while ensuring you remain anonymous.
You must explicitly state that you want to remain anonymous. It is always hard finding the courage to do the right thing. That, in itself, should compel you to do it. Continue to work for the good of the church. It is good to hear that your group-based initiatives are well-executed.
****************
I played myself
I am a 22-year-old woman and mother of a six-month-old baby. I am in a hopeless marriage and I do not know how to get out of it. I dated this man for two months and intentionally got pregnant because I thought that would be the quickest way to get married.
The guy told my family that he was in a very serious relationship with someone else and would prefer to pay damages and part ways with me.
My brothers threatened to beat him up if he did not comply with their demands — marrying me.
After being pressured, he paid for a few items and was forced to take me to his parents’ home, where he stays.
Amai, I am so lonely here that everyone, including my husband, ignores me. They only talk to me when they want something done. I am more of a domestic worker than a partner.
My hubby is still dating his girlfriend, and one of the lodgers told me that their marriage arrangements are almost final. I share an outside bedroom with my son.
The family has great respect for the other girl and when she comes, they almost kiss the ground she walks on. I cannot take it any longer. I have suffered for too long. How do I go back to my family? Where do I start?
Response
I am very disappointed in what you did. You put the cart before the horse. You rushed into an intimate relationship with this guy when you knew deep down it would lead nowhere.
Once you deliberately fell pregnant for him, your family coerced him to marry you. All this could have been avoided had you tried to find someone you truly had a bond with and took it slow. It is no use crying over spilt milk now.
Communicate with your aunt and let her know that things are not working out in this forced marriage.
Go back home and accept an arrangement where this child’s father can pay damages as well as maintenance. He is also to blame. If he had no further intentions with you, he should not have been intimate with you on any level.
Courtship is not a game; it has serious consequences. My only request is that you continue to love and raise this child to the best of your ability.
Looking towards the future is great but for now focus on the present and stabilise the situation.
Judging from how this guy wants to remarry, it would be best for you to apologise and go where you are celebrated and not just tolerated. I wish you all the best.
****************
Feedback: [email protected]; 0771415474
Online Reporter