Chat with Sis Noe . . . I’m in love with two men

Hi Sis Noe

Our sex life has become boring. I want to spice it up, but my boyfriend says he likes it the way it is. Help

Reply

No need to fret! It’s common for couples to go through phases where their sex life doesn’t seem as exciting as it was when they first started being intimate. Having the confidence to express yourselves freely and experiment with your sexuality without feeling embarrassed is critical before you invest in such things as toys or costumes. You may find it useful to start off by asking yourself questions about why you want to spice up your sex life. You may also want to talk to your boyfriend about exploring each other’s fantasies. When you’re looking to add more spark to your sex life, sometimes starting off by figuring out your personal preferences is the best bet. To explore this more, you can try asking yourself a few questions.

Do you feel satisfied with the amount of sex you and your partner are having? Are you able to focus on your partner during sex? Do you have certain expectations of what sex is supposed to look or feel like? Do you feel shy talking about what you want with your partner? These questions and your answers may lead you to consider exploring your own sexual needs, preferences, and desires which may help move along your conversation with your partner.

Once you’ve thought about what you’re interested in and what you want out of your shared sex life, it may be time to bring your boyfriend into the conversation. You could also pick out and watch some adult sexuality education videos together or view some erotic movies if that’s more your preference. You could talk about what you see in the movies, and how you both feel. What turns each of you on and off? What’s appealing to you in fantasy, but might be unappealing to you in real life? If film isn’t helping you feel friskier, how about some books to spur your imagination? There are a plethora of how-to books and erotic literature available that offer ideas for re-sparking the flame in your sex life.

Maybe you could read them together and see what’s inspiring, appealing, or arousing to each of you. Another avenue to explore are your dreams. Have you had sex dreams about your partner? About specific acts? The point isn’t to necessarily act on every dream or desire you’ve ever felt, but to start sharing your fantasies with your partner so that you might build intimacy and excitement into your sex life. Who knows, maybe the intimate nature of this conversation will be a new turn-on for both of you.

Hi Sis Noe

I am in a relationship with two men. One is the father of my son and the other is my workmate, who I am very much in love with. We have problems now and then with my baby’s father but that is never the issue with my workmate. The sex is mind-blowing but the problem is that he has two girlfriends. — Worried.

Reply

I have observed that you have not said that you are in love with your son’s father — you give the impression that you are stuck in the relationship because of your son. On the other hand, you state that you are in love with your workmate and the sex is so good that it has caused you to be very happy with him. Although you share a son with the other man, you are not in love with him. What is bothering you is that your workmate is having affairs with two other women apart from you.

Am I mistaken to conclude that you are still with him because the sex is so good? Can you see yourself having a future with him? How long will the good sex last? Would he stay with you because of sex? Have you considered taking steps to strengthen the relationship that you are having with your child’s father? Frankly, I think that is what you should do.

I know it is very difficult to have a good relationship if you are not in love, but I believe that your relationship with your child’s father can improve if you take steps to strengthen the relationship with him, and if you cease having sex with your workmate. Have you ever discussed marriage with either of these men? Perhaps you should ask them if they are willing to marry you and see how they will react. In spite of the fact that your workmate gives you great sex, you are only one of his women and I doubt that he will marry you. I really can’t encourage you to continue having a sexual relationship with him. Therefore, I suggest that you bring it to an end. I will be glad to hear from you again.