Children need encouragement

THE bottom line of what was presented last week in maintaining good relations between parents and their children is encouragement rather than negative comments. Parents should acknowledge wherever there is an improvement, be it in behaviour or academic performance. Some parents refuse to assist their children by failing to heed advice offered by those who interact with their children most of the time. Take note that I am not advocating for iron discipline, but suggesting to parents to always be at close reach with their children.

Parents should always know what their children are doing without necessarily sitting on them. Observe that your child has improved in his school work. His report card has less red marks. The teacher’s comments are more positive now than before.

Acknowledge even the minutest of improvements. The more attention parents pay on the improvement of the child’s behaviour or performance, the more that trend will multiply. In other words, negative comments and extreme expectations from parents are harmful to students.

Last week I made it clear that parents send children to school to pass and nothing would make them happier than seeing that achieved. They are happy when their children score high grades. However, they are unaware that this is straining the bond they have with their children. How do the children feel about this? Do they feel loved? They are pampered with praises and shown great when they score high grades but the opposite is true when they flunk.

The other thing that traumatises students and needs to be addressed during the holidays is transfers. A number of students find themselves being transferred from one school to the other. I know that because of economic challenges some students are moved from urban schools to rural schools and some are moved from boarding schools to day schools. While all these transfers are challenging I would for now dwell more on the latter – that is transferring from boarding school to a day school.

This brings about some financial relief to the parents or guardians. But to children it takes time for them to adjust. Parents or guardians need to take some time with the students explaining it to them the reasons for the move. It is prestigious to be at boarding school and for one to be moved to a day school has some damaging effect to their self-esteem. High performers at school will feel the knock in the initial stages and pick up later. Students should know that such is life, there are ups and downs.

Misfortunes come in various forms and students should count themselves fortunate to go through their education when all is well with them. They should make use of facilities and chances availed to them. That is where parents come in handy during the holidays making them aware of their situation. Students would not be surprised to find themselves denied certain privileges or goodies during the festive season especially when they know the financial problems at home. They would appreciate it when told that the first priority is school fees.

Let the children understand why things are changing. Make them feel as strong members of the family not outsiders. Times have changed. Gone are the days when children were down-trodden and just received rules as if from the Magna Carta. Bring the children into the discussion of issues that affect them and this will foster a good parent-child relationship. Parents should avoid bringing issues that may cause bitterness and resentment from their children.

However, as has been stated many times before, there is nothing as harmful as parents overprotecting their children. Children are raised up with expectations to help them fit in well in the community or society. They are expected to be respectful, honest and successful in whatever they do. When they fall short of this parents should avoid going to their defence without verifying facts. We have cases where schools and parents are found at loggerheads because a parent has refused to agree with the school on the behaviour of the child.

Focused parents take advantage of such school breaks to help redirect their children if they are going astray or encourage their children to work hard at school without criticising them unnecessarily.

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