Dear Amai, I hope this finds you well.
I am in a legally recognised polygamous marriage. My first wife is very devout and prayerful; we have been married for 15 years and are blessed with two children — a girl and a boy.
For a long time, I cheated on her, but I eventually decided it was best to make my relationship with the other woman official.
I married the woman who was previously my mistress and together we have a son.
Recently, my second wife stopped drinking and started attending church. She has now officially informed my family and I that she is cutting ties with us.
She even sent an email to my first wife apologising for everything she put her through and claims to be born-again.
Amai, I love her deeply, but she refuses to be persuaded to change her mind. Do you think it would be a good idea to speak with her pastor? I suspect she may have been brainwashed.
Response
Hello and thank you for writing in. The reason your second wife wishes to end the marriage is spiritual and it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what brought this on.
It forms part of her personal testimony. Whatever her motivation, it must be exceptionally strong for her to reach out and apologise to your first wife. As for speaking to her pastor, that is unnecessary.
He has done nothing wrong; his role is simply to preach the word of God, and how individuals choose to respond to that message is up to them.
Instead, I recommend professional counselling, as she may be open to discussing matters in that environment. I wish you all the very best.
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Was I wrong?
Dear Amai, last holiday, my nephew came to stay with us.
He and my second-born son are the same age and get along so well.
During his visit, the two boys sneaked out to go swimming without permission.
Our house-help brought this to my attention.
I was furious and threatened to beat them if they ever went anywhere again without our consent.
I also withheld the pocket money I had promised them. My nephew called his mother to report what had happened.
I am not sure how he presented the story, but my sister and her husband arrived at our house that very night absolutely fuming and took their son home.
My husband and I were taken aback. I tried to speak with them but they refused to hear us out. They simply said it was best to remove their son so he would not corrupt our child.
I still do not understand their reaction. They have not spoken to us since and whenever I call, they ignore.
Response
Greetings, dear writer. I think your sister overreacted. She should have listened to your version of events.
What you did was right. Children must never swim unsupervised. The punishment you gave the boys was not physical. The threat and withholding pocket money was proportionate to the act of disobedience.
I suspect that your nephew could have lied and said he was blamed for the whole thing.
Why don’t you go to their house and set the record straight? You are sisters; do not let this incident come between you. I would be happy to hear from you again!
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My wife is a cheapskate
Amai, makadii? I am 38 years old and my wife is 32. We are blessed with a daughter and are both gainfully employed.
We have a house-help who practically outclasses my wife: she is smarter, cooks better and keeps the home extremely tidy.
However, everything changes when she goes off for the weekend. My wife opts for cheap items — she buys clothes from mabhero and cheap perfumes off the street.
The only time she receives quality items is when I gift them to her.
How can I help her appreciate the finer things in life?
Response
I am very well and thank you for asking.
You are fortunate to have such a wonderful helper, though I hope your appreciation is strictly based on her work and nothing more.
You are a good husband for wanting your wife to look her absolute best.
I can provide you with the contact details for people who specialise in grooming and cookery, and she can improve all round.
Present this to her as a thoughtful gift — after all, good partners build each other up.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
