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Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
Love blossoms where there’s mutual appreciation, affirmation and believing in each other. That is not to say you ignore things that are not working, no, far from it.
But there are ways to communicate constructively within your “team of two”, and you may see things turning around for the better. But first why do I say criticism and constant bickering are a kill joy in a relationship?
I have seen it in some couples, you know how sometimes it’s easier to observe from the outside. Those in the situation may not even realise that what is robbing them of their happiness, yet it’s something they really can fix if they just identify the challenge and commit to resolving it together.
You see, just like the habit of nagging which can be a destructive worm in a marriage especially, criticism and constant fault-finding can make a partner difficult to love in several ways. The good news is if there’s love and a desire to make the relationship work, that is half the problem solved. Before getting into how to resolve, I thought we should look at the effects of those traits.
See what you make of these and if some apply to your relationship:
Emotional distancing: When a partner is consistently critical, it creates a defensive and guarded environment. The fear of being judged or criticised can lead to emotional distancing and reduced intimacy, making it difficult for love to flourish.
Communication breakdown: Criticism often hampers effective communication within a relationship. When one partner is constantly fault-finding, it creates a hostile environment that discourages open and honest conversation. This breakdown in communication can hinder the development of a deeper emotional connection.
Erosion of self-esteem: Constant criticism can gradually chip away at an individual’s self-worth and confidence. It creates a negative atmosphere where the person feels inadequate and constantly judged, making it challenging for them to feel loved and accepted.
Resentment and/or bitterness: Over time, the person on the receiving end of constant criticism may start to feel resentful and bitter. This can lead to a negative cycle where love and positive emotions are replaced by animosity and frustration.
Lack of acceptance and appreciation:
Love thrives in an environment of acceptance and appreciation. Constant fault-finding denies the partner’s positive qualities and focuses solely on their perceived flaws. Without acceptance and appreciation, it becomes challenging for love to grow and flourish.
It is important to address and find healthy ways to deal with criticism within a relationship to promote a nurturing and loving environment. Open communication, empathy, and a focus on constructive feedback can help overcome these difficulties and foster a loving connection.
How to navigate these çhallenges:
Improving communication in a relationship is crucial for maintaining a healthy and positive connection with your partner. Here are some suggestions to help you avoid being an unpleasant romantic partner who constantly criticises or finds faults.
Practice active listening: Give your complete attention when your partner speaks and try to understand their perspective without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Show empathy and validate their feelings.
You’ve probably often heard it said that you should use “I” statements. Instead of blaming or criticising, express your concerns using “I”. You could say for example, “I feel upset when…” rather than saying “You always…”. This approach fosters open dialogue without placing blame.
Focus more on the positives: Acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s strengths, efforts, and accomplishments. Express gratitude for the things they do well — assuming you do notice — rather than solely highlighting the negatives,even when you highlight the negative, be on your partner’s side the way a friend would.
Friends tell each other the truth without burning bridges for instance.
Speak with kindness, respect, and love:
Be mindful of your choice of words and tone when communicating. Harsh words don’t necessarily get the job done. Avoid offensive or derogatory language that may harm your partner emotionally.
Communicate constructively:
Instead of pointing out flaws in a hurtful manner, discuss your concerns in a constructive way. Offer suggestions for improvement and work together to find solutions. Be open to compromise and understanding.
Create a safe space for communication: Establish an environment where both partners feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. Fxor crying out loud, let your partner also speak! It’s sad to see how some partners speak so harshly that the partner can’t even explain themselves. Encourage open and honest communication, and listen actively without becoming defensive or offensive for that matter.
Practice self-reflection: Take a moment to reflect on your own behaviour and attitude. Consider the impact your words and actions may have on your partner. Take responsibility for any mistakes and be willing to make positive changes.
Remember, no one is perfect, we all have our flaws and so you shouldn’t find yourself expecting someone else to be perfect and crucifying them for every little perceived mistake.
Building a strong long lasting relationship takes time, effort, and understanding. It requires both partners to be willing to listen, learn, and grow together- that’s more effective communication.
Thank you to all those sending feedback, questions and requests. It is in that exchange of information and experiences that we together build or start great relationships.
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