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PERCY Sledge was an American R&B, soul and gospel singer best known for the song “When a Man Loves a Woman”, which became a number one hit on both the Billboard Hot 100 and R&B singles charts in 1966.
In 1968, he composed this song: “Take time to know her. I found a woman, I felt a true love, she was everything I’d ever been dreaming of, but she was bad, I didn’t know it. Her pretty smile never did show it, all I knew is what I could see and I knew I wanted her for me. I took her home to mama, mama wanna see my future bride, well, she looked at us both, then she called me to her side. She said son, take time to know her, it’s not an overnight thing, take time to know her, please don’t go rushing to do your thing.”
Many songs have been composed on love and dating, but not many are educative.
Nowadays, music is all about sleeping around and drugs, parties and expensive alcohol. There is no enough advice on issues that really affect the future. Every social media propagation seems to be peddling jokes, business and immediate gratifying pleasure, which has nothing to do with providing sound love, dating and courtship advice to young people.
Various internet-based sources describe courtship as, “The period of development towards an intimate relationship wherein a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement, followed by a marriage.”
A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people. lt may also be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Courtship is an important stage in every youth’s life. Knowing how to handle their business during this stage is, therefore, a determining factor in whether they will get the right partner for marriage.
Most people are what they are because of the advice they have been given. You are what you are because of what you know. It is a decision that one has to make. Make a decision on what you want to be, that decision will not only define you, but it will also give you guidelines on the right person you should be with.
Courtship is the first step towards marriage. Basically, it is wrong to marry when this stage is rushed or skipped. There is need for your girlfriend or boyfriend to understand that you need time to know her or him. Courtship is that time that will help you foresee what your tomorrow shall be with that person you are dating.
Time is an important ingredient. Time always reveals that knowledge which cannot be googled or researched. Making shortcuts and rushing courtship robs you of that important knowledge about your partner.
There is a certain way of walking, talking, eating that you will only see after spending time with him or her. Her level of hygiene, his level of anger, her arrogance towards your friends and relatives, his stinginess and so forth, can only be conspicuous in time.
There is nothing you can do to interrogate him or her to reveal these characteristics. But, in time, as you spend time together, certain behaviours are exposed. You see the real person you are dating. Courtship is a must for anyone who intends to get into marriage. There are a lot of surprises that often destroy marriages. Most of them are things that could have been seen during courtship.
Ask married people what irritates them about their partner. They will tell you that it is something that they noticed as a flicker when they were dating. So, most of those traits were noticed and ignored during courtship. Red flags are ignored when people are too deep in love.
Courtship is not a chance to enjoy movies only. It is not only meant for cracking jokes, going out with friends and having fun. It should be taken seriously as you learn as much as you can about your partner.
Also, do not enter into courtship until you are at a stage in life when marriage is a possibility. Understand the importance of the decision you are making regarding marriage and establish commitments about your relationships prior to courtship.
Marriage is a serious commitment – it is not for boys and girls, but for men and women. You need to know what you are getting yourself into before trotting into this zone. Marriage is a serious institution whose foundation is either made stronger or weaker during courtship. A husband must know his wife in and out, and vice-versa. The couple must develop a bond of friendship during courtship.
Ideas on everyday clothes, interests and attitudes ought to be shared during this period. Your thoughts and discussions should not be diluted by the urge to just get married. Learn all you can about each other’s thoughts, response to situations, circumstances, attitudes towards life, behaviour in public and in private etcetera.
Courtship is a time to answer various questions.
What are your feelings towards children and family size? Where do you want to live? What is your occupation? Will the wife work, and if so, for how long and where? What are your recreational interests? Do you share a commitment to be active in the church? At what level of service? If so, are you prepared to lend support when your spouse is committed elsewhere? Will family prayer and family home evenings be a regular part of your family life? How well do you handle money? Who will handle money within the house? Do you share ideas on how it should be spent?
How do you feel about arguing in front of children? How do you handle arguments that arise? Are you both ready to face and accept the responsibilities that marriage will bring? How well do you know each other’s family? How far do relatives influence your relationship? How far will they have a say in your marriage? Will you have a good relationship? Where are you going to stay after marriage? Is staying at his parent’s house okay? Are his brothers or her sisters moving in with you? How are you going to handle parents and their welfare?
The answers to these questions will also reveal things that you did not know about yourself.
Given the responses, decide on whether you are committing to marrying your partner or running for your life. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, scripture says, “Do not join yourselves to become partners with; be mismatched or unevenly yoked with unbelievers. Good and bad do not belong together for or what partnership has righteousness and wickedness/lawlessness? Light and darkness cannot share together or what fellowship/partnership can light have with darkness?”
Quote of the week: Courtship helps you foresee what your tomorrow shall be in your house.
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