Chronicle Editor
Nolwazi Mnikwa, Relationships
WE all have that one person who asks too many questions, questions that come across as prying as compared to genuine concern about your life. That person may be a friend, a relative, a colleague or general associate. They ask questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Their questions tend to be direct thus requiring direct responses. At times, it seems no matter how much you try to avoid answering their questions; they will keep throwing them at you as they expect an answer. Sometimes you may even feel like lying to the nosey person, but lying is not a good thing and I do not encourage it. So how then do you deal with a nosey relation?
Firstly, what is a nosey relation? It is that friend, colleague, neighbour, cousin, aunt, relative or associate who prys into your life, the kind of person who is overly curious about your life. There is a level of curiosity that shows general care and concern, then there is a level of curiosity that just screams, “prying”. When you find yourself utterly uncomfortable about the questions someone is asking you, then that person is most likely digging, prying and not asking for care or concern. When you are suspicious of a person’s motives when they ask you questions, then that person is highly likely prying and not acting out of concern.
Set healthy boundaries with the nosey relation. Be honest to let them know when their questions make you feel uncomfortable. If the questions are centred on a specific topic, it would be good for your peace and metal health if you let the nosey relation know that discussing that particular topic with them is uncomfortable for you.
This is a polite let down which will not hurt anyone’s feelings and it also will not have a negative effect on the relationship with the nosey relation.
If the person exhibits elements of prying in their questioning and you are uncomfortable with the questions, you can also consider responding reasonably without revealing too much information. In other words, you can be vague in your response.
It is okay for you to want to be private about your life and you do not necessarily need to provide in-depth answers to an individual you feel is prying or being nosey. In being vague, you are not ignoring the person and at the same time you are not wearing your heart on a sleeve for all to see. You are basically protecting your privacy, your space and your mental well-being whilst preserving your relationship with the relation in question.
Another manner in which you can avoid nosey relations’ questions is to switch the topic. Some people ask questions so they can have the latest “news” to discuss over a cup of tea, so it is well within your rights to avoid responding to questions you are not comfortable with or responding to people you know are not genuinely concerned. You can express that you are not able to respond to their question and bring in another topic of discussion.
Alternatively, you can ask them questions instead. For example, if a nosey person asks how much you earn every month, a response could be, “a comfortable sum. What are your investment preferences?” In doing so, you are shifting the conversation from you to them and you are also moving away from the direct and personal nature of the initial conversation. Another example is when someone asks when you will be having a child, a response can be, “I haven’t decided. What are your favourite holiday destinations?” You would have managed to shift the conversation away from you and change topic at the same time.
You could also consider using humour to move away from the topic. For example when someone asks when you are getting married, a response could be “don’t worry, I will invite you when I get married” and you throw in a smile or if it’s a conversation on WhatsApp, you can throw in an emoji.
People ask questions for various reasons, some out of concern and others just to pry. It is within your jurisdiction to either respond to the questions or not. Not responding to the questions when you feel an invasion of privacy is okay, but it needs to be approached well so as to preserve your relationship with your relation.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.
Online Reporter