adminJoyce Jenje Makwenda Inside Out
It has been long, since 2011 when I took a break from this column. I left abruptly because of the book — “Women Musicians of Zimbabwe 1930’s- 2013; A Celebration of Women’s Struggle for Voice and Artistic Expression”- that I was writing which was demanding a lot of time. It just took over my life.
When I finished the book, I rested for a while and started on another one, “Women in the Arts in Zimbabwe”.
I have been receiving emails from readers who followed my articles asking me why I stopped, and urging me to resume the column.
I was also yearning to come back to this column for the past four years. Writing for this column was such a joy, an enriching experience, but unfortunately I left without notifying the readers, because of other pressing issues that I did not have control over as I have mentioned.
The column started as “Women’s Histories”, and then it changed to “Inside Out” because of the issues that I ended up discussing which were sex, sexuality and taboo issues.
It all started when I was discussing how women aired their grievances through music, even complaints to do with how their husbands performed in the main room.
Little did I know that I had triggered something in my brain, which just went into discussing sex, sexuality and taboo issues.
I even surprised myself until I realised that, that’s how I am wired.
This wiring has been influenced by a number of factors.
Because of the interest that the articles generated, I was invited to give talks to organisations, women’s groups, youth groups and conferences.
I even won an inaugural award for the new category, Triple T (Tackling Taboo Topics) at the fourth Gender and Media Summit Awards convened by Gender Links, Gender and Media Southern Africa (GEMSA) and the Media Institute of Southern Africa (MISA) in Johannesburg.
I have always seen the need to demystify sex and sexuality; the mystification of sex has caused us serious problems which I cannot even start to recount.
The ignorance which is brought about by not wanting to understand our ancestor called sex, contributes to unhappiness and the confusion that we sometimes find ourselves in.
From youth to adults this has been a serious problem, that of embracing our ancestor whom we are identified with, we don’t want to acknowledge this ancestor.
For people to say ‘‘kwanhingi kwazvarwa mukomana kana musikana’’ (so and so’s family has been blessed with a son or a daughter) it is because of the ancestor that one carries but now why don’t we want to understand what defines us?
This has been the demise of human beings; of suffering some amnesia and pretending what we are not, but then our ancestor always reminds us that: “I am the one that defines you and you will have to acknowledge and embrace me.”
As long as we do not lay bare issues of sex and sexuality from a young age we will not be able to live full lives and we will forever be mystified by this ancestor and fail to handle her/him and find ourselves in serious problems.
A story of a guy who used to peep at girls when he was at school just to see how their ancestor looked like seems to have not stopped the practice.
Although now he does not peep at them, it is said he has changed woman after woman, for him that excitement that he had when he peeped at them and the excitement that he had of saying ‘‘ndazozviwona’’ (I have seen it) has unfortunately stayed with him.
He keeps changing women thinking that one day he will find something out of this world and yet there is nothing like that.
He is excited for a moment and he looks for something new as he is still, as excited as he was when he was young, he does not embrace the ancestor.
If he had been initiated into manhood like how it was done in the olden days (pre-colonial days), then he could have been grounded in this ancestor and lived with it in harmony, but it seems to put him off balance every time he comes into contact with it.
In this column I will continue to try to demystify sex and sexuality and see how we can exist in peace with what defines us.
I will also discuss other social issues which will be gender and sex mainstreamed. But before I proceed I think it would be good for us to go back to some of the articles that I think generated interest from 2009-2011.
The article which initiated me into writing about taboo issues was (Women use Music as Communication Tool) and it discussed how music was/can be used by women to express their feelings including complaining about non-performing husbands.
A mother had to intervene when her son was refusing his wife conjugal rights and he was sleeping wearing an overall. “The woman informed the relatives of the husband and the mother of the husband threatened her son that she would kill herself if the son continued in his ways. To show the son that she was not joking she went and repeated her threat at the door of their bedroom.
“That night the woman conceived twins! Although during these days of the HIV pandemic it is encouraged to use protective measures. The mother-in-law knew the importance of sex in a marriage. In the Shona custom not honouring sexual obligation towards your wife is known for bringing about Ngozi (avenging spirits) in the family.” (The Herald, 14 October 2009). This story generated a lot of interest amongst the readers.
The story “Girl You Will Be A Woman Soon” was of interest to the readers. The story educated girls to be prepared when they got a visit from the Red Woman, how to embrace the Red Woman and understand her when she visited them as that is how they were initiated into womanhood.
“The visit by this “woman” was celebrated a long time ago because this is how you crossed the bridge from being a girl to being a woman, this is the woman who will control the greater part of your life, hence she had to be embraced and as a girl you were advised on how to co-exist with her. This would make your life enjoyable and much easier.”
A Zimbabwean father of two girls based in Namibia then wrote to me and said he did not know how to discuss with his girls menses but he gave them the story on the Red Women and it helped the girls to understand how to handle the Red Woman. (The Herald, 23 December 2009).
“Learn to be A Chef and Win” was one story that attracted a lot of attention — it discussed broken sticks and how in a home there was malnourishment which was written on the wife’s face.
The husband was playing hide and seek with the wife crawling into bed in the late hours because he did not want his wife to know that his cooking stick had long broken down.
It was only when the elders took charge and helped to correct the situation that things went back to normal (The Herald, 13 January 2010).
Men are encouraged to seek help when their cooking sticks get broken than to play hide and seek with their wives as this brings unrest in the home. They should not be shy and understand that it is not their fault that such a thing has happened to them.
The “Happy Eating” story was received with mixed feelings as some had never heard about it or some women thought men who were into happy eating were hiding their incompetence either of broken sticks or of weak backs.
Those who had gotten used to this way of playing found it fulfilling and showing each other love to the fullest.
When I gave a talk to a women’s group and I mentioned this issue, an older woman protested and left because to her this was not imaginable. Young women had no kind words for her, they said ‘‘endai zvenyu tinyatsonzwa zvinhu zvinyowani tinoda’’ variety (please go we want to hear of new things, we want variety).
Another old woman was polite enough to sit and listen but after that she said ‘‘nhai mwanangu baba vako ndingavatange ne-happy eating, tibatsirewoka kuti isu chembere toita sei’’ (My daughter do you think I can approach your father with happy eating, how can we also find pleasure as old people).
The story on ribbons was one of the most talked about, since then I have continued with the research on this topic and what I have discovered is very interesting. I appreciate how our culture was liberal and encouraged a woman to understand her body from an early age and prepare for womanhood and know that her ancestor would one day be used for a number of things. When the time came she was encouraged to enjoy, play without any inhibitions.
I will continue with the topics I discussed in earlier articles and also bring some new topics.
- Joyce Jenje Makwenda is a researcher/archivist/author and more. She can be contacted on [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]> and her website is www.joycejenjearchives.co.zw
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