adminFredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa Successful Solutions
IN my last two articles I was just sharing a few tips on what a man should look for in a woman who they wish to consider for marriage and vice versa. Our marriage institution as a nation is collapsing as seen by the rise in the cases of divorce. “The rate at which couples are divorcing has reached alarming levels,” said Justice Chiweshe at the official opening of the 2013 Legal Year at the Bulawayo High Court.
He said social scientists and other experts have attributed this development to the general erosion of cultural values due to urban migration, domestic violence, adultery and other social ills.
The statistics show that in 2011, the High Court received a total of 1,551 divorce cases, a 21 percent increase from the 1,216 cases received in 2010.
Marriage is the one relationship that effectively prepares and conditions us for community and a conduit for the development of society by way of socialising children into the community.
Marriage is far more profound than our contemporary culture would lead us to believe.
By restraining self-centredness and promoting love of another, marriage becomes the foundation for social order. Our late Mother Teresa on receiving her Nobel Peace Prize award was asked what the world should do to enhance peace.
The good old lady simply told men to just go back home and love their families. The foundation of human life and peace is the family through marriage.
Even when our dear God was sending his only son down to earth to die for our sins he didn’t bring him in a spectacular manner in chariots of fire, which he could have done but he brought him through a humble family. He was born of the Virgin Mary and grew up under the instruction of his earthly father Joseph. I guess as you read, you are wondering at the relevance of this. I was just trying to emphasise the importance of the family in human nature.
The family comes from the marriage of two people, a male and a female. Many reasons have been given for the rise in the divorce cases but one reason that has been often overlooked is that of rushed marriages. Individuals are marrying people they don’t know and barely three years down the line the marriage has collapsed. Yes, we marry people we don’t know because they are not part of our families; we get to meet them at some point in life.
With the shocking divorce statistics, I have made a lay observation that many young people marry strangers. You find that people meet in January, July wedding bells are ringing and they are getting married in August.
Can you really know a person enough in six months? Most divorces of “new” marriages are caused by rushed marriages. There is a need to know the person you have met and want to marry and honestly six months is not enough. I will not say how long people must get to know each other but I don’t think you can fully know a person in less than three years, unless if you already knew them in another capacity that is not necessarily girlfriend/boyfriend. Why rush to marry? Is it the fear of losing the other person? If they go let them go, they were never yours.
A lady meets a “handsome”young man, who appears to have everything. Now because of the fear to lose him, wedding bells ring immediately. Do you know him? Take time to know him. Does he have an honest means of living? Does he have a career? Many a time women rush to marry these “handsome” men who pretend to be rich only to learn a year later in the marriage that they have married a thief, a wife abuser,in some cases an armed robber who doesn’t have even “O” levels, or a satanist who survives on goblins. Always take time to know him.
When people are dating, there is a lot of pretence; there is a lot of performance. People will pretend to be Christians, just to get you the lady. Always be patient and give yourself at least three years before you tie the note to really get to know the person. A person will not be able to hide their character and other bad things from you for three years.
Do not say the girl is from church. There are a lot of “finished” women who are hunting for husbands in church. They have had it all, slept with men of different shapes and sizes and are really “finished” and think it’s time for them to settle down. Be very careful at church there, it’s not always the best hunting ground. A certain young man married a lady from church and had a lovely white wedding. He came back from the honey moon with a sexually transmitted illness.
Some women have met what they thought were rich men. Yes, some got the money, but not the man. Some didn’t get both the money and the man. Marrying for money is dangerous. You have to love the person. Some of our dear ladies can’t wait to marry the rich. But most of the time, the rich have too much money to spend, not only with you as they will want other women to help you spend the money.
If you meet someone you think is “Mr” or “Mrs” Right, try to dig their background if you can. You find a lady marries a well-known womaniser. They think they are showing off to other women that they have finally got that man which every woman wanted. Now you think of all women who have suffered heartaches from this man you are the special woman who will tame him? This is being silly.
At times marrying from your neighbourhood is also advisable because you would be marrying someone you know.
You might wonder why you need at least three years to know a person. The first year is for getting to know who this stranger is. The second year you now have a rough idea and are really getting to know each other and cementing your relationship. In the third year, you can start the marriage processes. A fake person will not last three years.
Online Reporter