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Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
While there is merit in setting couple goals and working on achieving them, some couples sometimes find themselves distracted from their own path, through comparison and unnecessary competition with other people.
It’s seen even in individuals, where someone has their own path or course and purpose in life, but can lose track once they start focussing on competing with other people unnecessarily.
Experts say the best competition is one you set for yourself with yourself to continually do better.
Likewise in relationships, when it comes to achievements, or developments in their married life, couples will promote a healthier, happier life if they know their own goals and focus on them, reviewing as they go, to align with possibly the changing times but remaining true to their own course.
Finding contentment in relationships and embracing your own journey is one way to a fulfilling life with your partner. Couples who are ever focussing on what the next door neighbour has bought or achieved can sometimes find their own relationship in deep soup with unnecessary nagging and squabbles.
The good news is there are practical ways to overcome feelings of envy.
The long and short of it is to stop comparing yourself to others — be they neighbours, friends, peers or relatives. In the age of social media and constant connectivity, it’s far too easy to fall into the trap of comparing our own lives to those around us, in fact some would say it is inevitable. You can’t help looking or noticing these days — they say. True.
From the extravagant vacations to shiny new possessions, it seems like everyone else has it all. However, cultivating true contentment in relationships requires us to shift our focus away from what others have, and instead embrace our own unique journey. This week, we are exploring mainly, ways to overcome the detrimental habit of comparison and finding lasting joy in our relationships.
What are your thoughts on the following suggestions?
Recognise the illusion of comparison:
Some people don’t realise that they are actually doing it! Comparing ourselves to others is a slippery slope that often leads to feelings of envy, inadequacy, and bitterness, even jealousy and a whole truckload of unhappiness.
It’s crucial to understand that what we see on the surface is only a fraction of someone’s reality — you are not going to know everything, for instance, the story behind how they achieved what they have. People tend to showcase their “highlight reels” while hiding their struggles and imperfections.
A good place to start, is reminding yourself that your journey is different, because it is, and you have your own set of accomplishments worth celebrating.
Focus on what truly matters:
Whether it’s the husband obsessed with winning over their peers, or the wife bent on showing the Mrs So-and-So next door, that she and her husband can also afford that type of sofa — this is no way to enjoy life, surely. I’d venture to say it can actually be bad for one’s health because you have no peace of mind.
Couples can choose a different approach on my view. Nurture love, trust, understanding, and support with your partner, family, and friends.
Cherish the moments spent together, engaging in meaningful conversations, creating memories, and building a strong, long lasting emotional bond. I reckon this approach can help make relationships more fulfilling.
Remember, lasting happiness cannot be found in material possessions alone, though of course these can be a bonus.
Gratitude and appreciation:
We have often mentioned the importance of appreciating your partner, in this column. Practising gratitude in all forms, is a powerful tool in finding contentment whether in romantic relationships or all other relationships we find ourselves in. Instead of dwelling on what you lack, develop a habit of recognising and appreciating the blessings in your life.
Possibly make it a daily practice to recount the things you are grateful for — why not — including the love and connection you share with your loved ones. When gratitude becomes a part of our mindset, envy gradually fades away, leaving room for contentment to flourish. I love a hymn that says: “Count your blessings name them one by one…”
Imagine how inexhaustible that list of blessings could be if we can just see and appreciate all that we already have in our lives and loved ones. That of course doesn’t mean you don’t aspire for greater, or more in life. And “neighbours” in this advent of social media, can also mean followers on social media platforms.
Embrace Your Own Journey:
We all have a purpose and every individual has a unique path in life. Embrace your journey and the choices you’ve made thus far.
Focus on your personal growth, learning from challenges, cultivating self-love, and becoming the best version of yourself. When you prioritise your own journey, appreciation for what you have naturally follows.
Supportive Connections:
Being inspired by someone is different from being envious and jealous. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift and inspire you to be the best version of yourself and maximise your potential. Cultivate relationships with people who celebrate your successes,while encouraging your growth, and helping you navigate the trials of life. By surrounding yourself with positivity and like-minded individuals, you can gradually break free from the chains of comparison.
Comparing ourselves to others can negatively impact our relationships and personal journey, making one think the grass is always greener elsewhere and thereby not enjoying your present blessings and present experiences in your marriage or relationship.
Finding contentment as a couple or individual seeking love, requires a conscious effort to shift our focus away from that unhealthy comparison of ourselves to others. In some households it’s a cause for constant bickering and strife. Instead, if we can just choose to embrace our own unique journey, we learn to appreciate the love, support, we have and can bask in the joy that it brings.
Let go of envy and embrace gratitude for the blessings in your life — do you see this as a possibility? Are there areas in your relationship where you are not appreciating and could do a little more to appreciate your partner and their hard work? Remember, it’s the quality of relationships and the fulfilment they bring that truly matters, not material possessions or appearances.
As we seek to promote healthier marriages and relationships, your story, your experiences, or observations are most welcome. You never know whose life you touch by sharing your story and the wisdom you have.
Thank you for all the requests for creation of a group, that I have seen in the feedback. It is under consideration in order to keep the conversation going, where more relationship tips and possible solutions are exchanged beyond the article.
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