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Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
This time of the year is an incredible season often marked by increased lobola negotiations and wedding events. As we celebrate the union of young couples, it’s essential to recognise the vital role seasoned marriages and pastors’ marriages play, in modelling a Christ-centred union.
Pastors’ marriages for instance, should be a shining example, inspiring hope and guidance for those seeking to build a strong foundation.
However, whispers of silent suffering among some pastors’ wives raise concerns, highlighting the need for accountability and support.
I don’t know about you, but I have certainly come across stories of pastors whom congregations love, but who at home aren’t half as kind to their spouses as people might think.
A quick reminder from the Bible emphasises the importance of leaders setting an example in their relationships. Ephesians 5:25-33 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, while Colossians 3:19 encourages husbands to love their wives and not be harsh with them.
Wives are called to submit to their husbands as they would to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24).
How much of this is really happening, and where it’s not happening, what are the challenges?
Pastors, as spiritual leaders, must embody these principles and be accountable not only to their Heavenly Father but one on earth as well, I figure.
They should demonstrate a loving, respectful, and Christ-like relationship, showing young couples the ropes. Yet, of course they are not immune to challenges and I would recommend they seek help when needed.
There’s no shame in seeking to be better, to do right by their partners and ultimately God.
Accountability is crucial, just as one might say Apostle Paul was accountable to spiritual fathers like Barnabas (Acts 11:25-26) and Peter (Galatians 2:7-8).
I don’t mean to just bombard you with scriptures but just some reference that can give guidance.
We also can draw examples of spiritual leaders seeking guidance and accountability, from the stories of : Moses who had Jethro (Exodus 18:13-27) – David who had Nathan (2 Samuel 12:1-15) – Paul who had Barnabas and Peter (Galatians 2:1-10)
Accountability in itself fosters growth, integrity, and effective service.
Pastors should surround themselves with older, wiser couples or spiritual leaders who can offer guidance and support in time of need.
You don’t have to just be overwhelmed and let it fester. To young couples, trust me, you don’t know it all. Older couples are not always the ‘dinosaurs’ you might think. Hear them out. Their experience might be a beam of light on the path you are embarking on.
What harm could there be in just learning what you can from them, of course without losing any of your own set goals as a couple? Remember that a strong marriage requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to learn from those who have gone before you.
Seek guidance from trusted exemplary marriages, if none in your family, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from trusted professional o spiritual leaders when needed.
To pastors, remember that your marriage is a testament to your faith and leadership.
We all are an epistle, and instrument in God’s hands to minister to others the true love of God.
Embrace accountability, seek help when needed, and strive to be a beacon of hope for those looking to build a strong, Christ-centred relationship.
In my small way I hope to do the same.
Ultimately while older couples and pastors’ marriages have the power to inspire and guide young couples, the community around young couples can also play a supportive role in guiding those that have a teachable spirit or attitude.
Far too many weddings are flashy and exuberant in the beginning, only to heart breakingly struggle to stand the test of time, sometimes with dire consequences.
I’m imploring the spiritual leaders, whether, be they pastors, bishops, prophets, evangelists and teachers- whatever capacity they serve or lead in, tiitirewo zvakanaka muma marriages umo veduwee.
You can not be a monster at home, and be an angel in church, hazvibudi.
Imagine what you impart to the congregation in the spiritual realm where only a few can see.
Be honest with yourself about your actions and conduct, even what you do nevana vesangano.
I’ve seen too many stories of married spiritual leaders, deceiving marriage seekers, young and old within strange theories and propelling practices that we shan’t get into in this article, taking advantage of the congregants’ ignorance if such matters.
Please ngatisatambei nezita raMwari, misrepresenting God and misleading congregants, whatever we do. Walk the talk or at least strive to do so. Obviously it’s not necessarily easy, but by submitting to God, the whole relationship or marriage, and embodying biblical principles, seeking accountability, and demonstrating a loving relationship, these spiritual leaders can create a ripple effect of hope, trust and growth in their congregations.
Always portraying a tough, polished and ‘perfect’ exterior, doesn’t translate to actual happiness in the home. Who shall help the helpers? Who shall heal the leaders’ marriages? The invitation is open from God. “Come all ye who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”, is one such invite. James 1v5 and Jer 33v3 also invite one to seek wisdom from God. Besides seeking God’s face on such matters, there’s always protocol, channels that leaders can also follow in seeking help where needed, instead of bottling it up and causing irreparable damage to their spouses and children.
It is unfortunate to note that even gender based violence has been rampant in some spiritual leaders’ homes, as news reports go. Surely this can and must change. What can you do differently from today to heal your marriage and your family and be a good example for the youth? Are there any wrongs that you know you should make right?
Today is as good a day as any, to start making positive changes, one step at a time. Remember, to whom much is given, much is required. I would love to hear your views on the topic, so let’s continue the conversation and exchange ideas and insights. Ndezvekubatsirana nekuonesana so that ultimately we build strong, healthy relationships and families. You are most welcome to reach out with any thoughts, insights, experience or questions that we can together explore.
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