Sundaymail Editor
Theseus Shambare
THE story of 52-year-old Simbarashe Mutize (name altered) — of Hatfield, Harare — is inspirational.
Losing a wife just six years into marriage was an unfortunate and heartbreaking moment for him.
After giving birth to their second beautiful daughter, his wife suffered from postpartum psychosis. This is a serious mental health illness that affects some women soon after delivery.
Though it is reversible, medical experts say the condition may be severe and dangerous, with affected mothers at high risk of hurting themselves, dying by suicide or harming their children.
“After two days, she seemed to have recovered and got discharged from hospital. Unbeknown to us, two weeks down the line, it caught up with her and she committed suicide. Her relatives pointed to witchcraft and there was chaos during the funeral,” Mutize recalled in an interview with The Sunday Mail Society.
The untimely death of his wife in 2003 was to change the course of life for the qualified school teacher and part-time motor mechanic.
He now had to play a double role of father and mother to their two daughters.
Both Mutize’s parents were already late and his relatives did not want to assist him.
His wife’s parents, including relatives, did not make life any easier for him as they also refused to assist due to squabbles that ensued then.
Perseverance
Mutize was left with no option, but to be brave, and take the bull by the horns.
He would drop the two-month-old baby at a nearby nursery as he accompanied the elder sister, who was doing Grade One then, to school, before going to Makomo Primary School in Epworth, where he works.
He endured sleepless nights, attending to the baby and changing diapers. He would also take the baby to a local clinic for postnatal care.
“At one point, soon after my formal work, I went out to assist my loyal client, who had a breakdown with his car in Mazowe. I went there assuming it was a small issue, but it took us almost three hours. I also had a tyre puncture on the way. Resultantly, I could not return on time for the kids, which I knew meant trouble,” he recounted.
“There are ups and downs, and this was one of those low moments. But I realised that it is also possible for men to raise girls as long as they are focused.”
Mutize is still single; he never remarried after the demise of his wife.
“We shall see with time,” he said with a chuckle, after this paper asked if he plans to remarry.
When his younger daughter enrolled for Grade One, he employed an elderly woman, identified as Martha Nyambuya (now 80), to assist him.
Gogo Nyambuya would come to work in the morning and return to her place around 4pm every day.
Joy
Today, Mutize is all smiles and proud of himself and his family.
“She (Gogo Nyambuya) is the one who used to help me with cleaning the house and cooking for the kids. It was through her assistance that I managed to mould my girls into the focused ladies they are now. Even when they reached puberty, she was very pivotal,” revealed Mutize.
The younger daughter is currently doing her Advanced Level studies at Mutoko High School, while her elder sister is happily married and has since blessed her father with a grandchild.
“I cannot wait for Sunday (today) to go and meet my dad. I am going there with my husband and my son. I wish my little sister was there but, unfortunately, she is at school and we do not want to disturb her preparations for exams,” said Ethel, who was six years old when her mother died.
Ethel is now an electronics engineer and owns a house in Waterfalls.
She has a tight schedule at a workshop she manages in Graniteside, Harare, but always creates time to visit her father every fortnight.
The patriarch, she said, was her “first and most influential” love.
“His strictness and long hearty conversations made me what I am today. He taught me never to give up on anything I believe in. His zeal for life and perpetual happy mood inspires me to be a better person,” said Ethel.
Mutize now walks tall. Against all the odds, he sailed through.
Today, Zimbabwe joins the rest of the world in celebrating Father’s Day.
While it is arguably not as celebrated as Mother’s Day, it still carries similar significance.
Just like mothers, men are equally important in raising children, keeping the family intact and, in turn, building the nation.
Men like Mutize are a rare breed and deserve to be feted around the calendar.
It is said any man can help create a child but it takes a real man to love, cherish and raise that offspring.
Last week, this publication also interviewed several top personalities, who shared their sentiments about Father’s Day.
Popular comedian Timothy “Timmy” Tapfumaneyi of the “Timmy naBhonzo” fame reckons fathers play a pivotal role in families but children tend to notice their mothers’ love more.
“Naturally, mothers spend more time with children from the time of birth. That helps to create a solid bond and easily makes their love noticeable,” said Tapfumaneyi.
He, however, said both parents make important sacrifices that do not need to be compared.
“Fathers must be equally celebrated. They go through a lot to make sure the family is fed. In other words, fathers are naturally hunters. Yes, in modern society, you also find women going to work and supporting men but in such situations, the home rarely lasts,” he argued.
“As a father, I do not expect much because raising children is my God-given duty. I should not expect to be paid for that. However, presents and gifts obviously lighten everybody’s day and I will not reject them should they come.”
The comedian feels the day should be a time for men to introspect, share stories and ideas with the family.
Past
Veteran gospel singer Pastor Charles Charamba notes Father’s Day has often been overshadowed by Mother’s Day because women were sidelined and lived long without due recognition in society.
“I think the imbalance that appears between celebrating Father’s Day and Mother’s Day emanates from the historical injustices that used to deprive women of almost everything.
“Nowadays, it seems there is overemphasis in celebrating women, something that shows people reflect on yesteryear injustices with emotions,” reckons Pastor Charamba.
But he hastily encouraged families to uphold Christian values of living in harmony each time they mark such events.
“It is not good to correct a wrong with a wrong; rather, throw away the bad elements of our past, and embrace all genders with equity,” he said.
Today, Pastor Charamba will spend the better part of the day at church, where the father figure’s responsibility is even more demanding.
“I will get time to worship together with fellow fathers and our families. It is important for fathers to note that they have a Father to turn to in all circumstances — God.
“Outside church, I often use such occasions to engage in a bit of ball games with my children and hope to do so today.”
Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Lands, Agriculture, Fisheries, Water and Rural Resettlement Dr John Basera said Father’s Day has great meaning in his life as a father and a son.
“Fathers are expected by the Almighty God to be role models, conducting all affairs in a manner that pleases the Creator.
“Ordinarily, for me, this day is duly expended on the farm, with the family nurturing crops and livestock, just as in biblical times, where Adam’s first responsibility was to be the farmer in the Garden of Eden.
“It is the moment, too, when the whole family would be having special moments to spoil the father or father figures in their lives. I will do the same to my father, who is in Burma Valley, Manicaland,” said Dr Basera, a devout Christian.
Conservatives
Outspoken and controversial philosopher Mr Joshua Maponga feels the diarised Father’s Day is a colonial tradition.
“Every day is Father’s Day to all true Africans. Men are recognised and celebrated each day. For instance, the food given to a father of the house can tell you that this is the man of the house. We cannot be fathers once a year, but all year round . . .
“However, fathers should not be celebrated when they are not contributing anything. Also, African men need to start decolonising themselves; they should stop idolising the former colonisers. The colonial mentality destroys their dignity and self-worth. Happy Father’s Day to patriarchs who stand for their culture and morals,” said Mr Maponga.
A gifted poet and social commentator, Tatenda Chinoda, weighed in.
“A real father cannot be fully celebrated in a single day. Fathers toil, endure and break backs every day as they work for the family.
“If you are a man and you are not experiencing this, it means you are exerting psychological and emotional pressure on your family. Generally, men do not live longer; the pressures, stress and risks they face shorten their lifespan,” said Chinoda.
He encouraged families to continually celebrate their fathers.
Father’s Day is mostly celebrated on the third Sunday of June.
Online Reporter