Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie
My sister is 26 and my family are thrilled she’s getting married but they’ve never welcomed my guy.
I am 29 but I have never been able to take a stand with my family, who are very controlling.
I am afraid they will disown me.
I have lived with my partner for a year, we are not married yet.
He’s 30. If he can’t be with me I’ll feel so alone, though he says he doesn’t mind about the wedding.
He is my best friend as well as my boyfriend but I don’t want to fall out with my family by not going to the wedding.
I don’t know what to do for the best.
Tete Joyie says
That’s such a painful place to be trying to hold space for the people you love when they won’t hold space for each other.
You’re being pulled between loyalty to your family and your commitment to your partner, and both sides hold pieces of your heart. Anyone in your shoes would feel torn.
What stands out most is how much you’ve already given to keep the peace at the cost of your own voice.
Living with someone for a year, building a life together, choosing love even when it’s not celebrated by those closest to you that takes courage, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
It’s okay to want both: to celebrate your sister, and to stand beside the person who makes you feel seen and safe.
It’s okay to wish your family could accept your choices.
But your worth isn’t measured by whether they do.
Would going to the wedding without your partner cause you pain or resentment?
Would not going make things worse between you and your family—or worse inside yourself?
Sometimes the answer lies not in what’s “right,” but in what brings the most peace to your heart right now.
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Dear Tete Joyie
MY lover does things in bed my wife would never dream of.
I left everything for her, but she’s decided to try to make a go of things with her husband.
We are both married with children. I am 39, she is 29.
Our affair began two years ago and we met up every couple of weeks.
At first I was hesitant.
I had never had an affair before but my wife was not very enthusiastic about sex and left me feeling so inadequate.
Once we met up I discovered my new lover’s response was enthusiasm of a kind that I had never known before.
I met her through an internet chatroom. We hit it off right away and had lots of laughs.
She has a lovely voice and we talked every day.
When I first met her, I realised she is just as lovely as her voice.
All through our affair she said she would move to be near me but then my wife found the texts on my phone.
She hit the roof, phoned the number and spilled the beans to my lover’s husband.
I decided I had to move out and I stayed with a friend.
Eventually, I found a flat but, as soon as it was all settled and I had the keys, my lover said she could not move near me after all. I was stunned.
She said she was going to make a go of it with her husband and she cut all ties with me, changed her phone number and email address.
She said that I should move on.
I don’t want to give up on her because she is the love of my life.
The sex we had was out of this world.
I have moved back in with my wife and daughter but it is not where I want to be.
I feel my lover has been incredibly cruel.
She tells me to move on but she is the only thing I want in life.
Her husband treats her like dirt and I am the one she really loves.
Tete Joyie says
You’ve been through something intense and deeply disorienting.
Falling in love while living in two separate realities one shaped by passion, secrecy, and connection, and another by duty, disappointment, and guilt is enough to turn anyone inside out.
Your pain is real, and it’s not just about heartbreak.
It’s also about feeling lost after stepping so far outside your known world to follow what felt like truth . . . only to be left standing there alone.
It makes sense that you’re still holding on.
She gave you attention, affirmation, and desire at a time when you felt invisible.
That kind of emotional rescue leaves a mark.
But her final choice cutting ties suggests she drew a line for herself, whether out of fear, guilt, or renewed commitment.
And now, as brutally as it feels, you’ve been handed back your life.
A life that’s fractured, yes but still yours to rebuild.
So now the hard part begins: What do you want your future to look like? Not the one where someone else chooses you, but the one where you choose yourself. Maybe that means processing the grief of this loss fully.
Maybe that means facing the parts of your marriage or identity that have gone unmet.
Or maybe it simply means sitting in the discomfort of a broken dream until something new starts to grow from it.
You don’t have to rush to feel better, or to justify what’s happened.
But you do deserve peace. If you ever want to talk through what rebuilding might look like from healing to honesty to reimagining connection.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
