Online Reporter
Dear Amai, I hope this letter finds you well. I am a 29-year-old single woman. For two years, I lived with my partner, and we eventually agreed to pool our resources so he could save enough to pay lobola. During this period, we both did menial jobs and there were times when I earned more than he did. However, I was deeply determined to help us meet our target.
Once we had saved enough for the lobola, he suddenly vanished with all the money and went on to marry someone else.
I am heartbroken and do not know what to do. I want to recover my hard-earned money. Please help me.
Response
I am doing very well, thank you for asking. I am truly sorry for the awful way you were treated, which unfortunately resulted in the loss of your hard-earned money.
While it is true that we learn from our mistakes, yours was a baptism of fire.
The first error you made was cohabiting with this man and calling him your husband when he was merely a boyfriend.
Furthermore, I cannot understand why you were made to contribute towards your own lobola; that is completely unheard of. Did you put your agreement in writing?
If not, it will be very difficult to recover your money because you lack proof — it will simply be your word against his.
All I can advise is that you take this as a painful learning experience. In life, you can trust, but you must never trust too blindly.
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Between a rock and a hard place
I am a 37-year-old man who has been married for 12 years.
When I was dating my wife, I ignored a lot of red flags because I loved her, even going against the advice of some of my family members and friends.
As a result, our marriage started on shaky ground, but I soldiered on. Because of her behaviour, she is very unpopular on my side of the family. Last week, I called my elder brother to help us resolve some challenges we were experiencing in our marriage. Less than 10 minutes into the discussion, my wife took a hot cup of tea and poured it on him.
They then got into a physical fight. It was incredibly disrespectful of her.
When I called her parents to report the incident, her father simply said she does not listen to anyone. Our children witnessed the entire altercation and just sat there crying. I do not know what to do anymore; I am completely on the edge. Please help.
Response
Hello, and thank you for reaching out. What touched my heart the most is that children are being brought up in such an unconducive environment.
You saw the red flags before you committed to marriage but you chose to ignore them. In hindsight, that would have been a great opportunity to start pre-marital counselling.
Physical fights are dangerous and have severe ripple effects. Such behaviour is unlawful and puts you both at risk of losing custody of the children.
Furthermore, the response from her parents left me completely baffled. Please seek professional counselling; you desperately need guidance on how to manage her uncooperative attitude and negative energy for the sake of the family.
You now have children together and while there is no use crying over spilled milk, professionals can assist with mending broken fences and rebuilding broken bridges. However, corrective action only works when both parties are committed. Work hard to get her to apologise to your brother, as true adults must be accountable for their actions. I wish you all the best.
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Too many cooks spoil the broth
Amai, makadii? I am a 33-year-old woman. Four years ago, we founded a humble, 10-member mukando (money-pooling) club.
All the members were housewives residing in the same neighbourhood.
We contributed cash every fortnight and this arrangement worked perfectly well despite us not having anything put in writing.
To cut a long story short, we eventually allowed women from outside the founding group to join us.
That was the beginning of our problems.
They have completely taken over the club.
We now have a constitution that suits their interests more than ours, where members can even charge an extra percentage on a contribution depending on the payment method used.
Furthermore, we now have a management committee that was established through a rigged election.
The founding members are incredibly unhappy and most of us want to opt out.
How do we undo this mess? Please help.
Response
Greetings, dear writer, and thank you for writing in. I am doing well and thank you for asking. You sound very unhappy about the current state of your club.
I believe this is because you were one of the founding members.
However, why are you keeping quiet when things are no longer going in your favour? Why did you allow these new members to completely take over?
You need to voice your concerns. Hold a candid meeting with the other founding members and the rest of the group to try to iron out your differences. If you ultimately feel that the club no longer serves your interests, you have every right to opt out or even restart your original 10-member group.
Remember, these are your personal finances, and you hold all the power — including the power to choose exactly where and when to invest your hard-earned money.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
