Online Reporter
Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube, [email protected]
THE bright purple Jacaranda petals dotted themselves on the tar like flower girls decorating the red carpet during a wedding. Some stuck to the green twigs, making a purple panoply that could create a sense of awe in the beholder. As each flower gracefully dropped onto the black surface, the asphalt mass slowly transformed into a velvety flooring. A sweet scent was sprinkled along the road. Birds were perky as they gracefully hopped from tree to tree, serenading the air with melodious yet incomprehensible songs.
The ruler of the day had toned down the intensity of his fury as he descended the trees. As he dragged himself westward, he sent crispy gold rays that turned everything violet. Peering through the leaves and branches, this ball of fire could be seen preparing for its retirement. As he continued lowering himself, the sky turned into a beautiful canvas with abstract rosy, lavender, and red tints.
You could gaze at the distant sunset and adore viewing the flimsy clouds slowly melting into the striking atmospheric portrait. The western horizon was soaked with the solar tint that anyone could not ignore its beauty.
As the sun buried itself below the horizon, it sent its final goodbye by painting the celestial parchment fiery orange, deep crimson, and shimmering gold. This created an awe-inspiring sunset that seemed almost dreamlike. This magnificent spectacle of nature’s creativity should have imprinted a stubborn yet sweet memory in his heart. However, it became a day of gloom and lost dignity. He had walked the same route as a victor but returned as a victim.
Stripped of his human dignity, he tagged along the road, his anguish increasing with each darkening night’s draping. A sheath of dismay enveloped him, and his mind could not disentangle itself from the web of confusion and shame that wrapped itself around each brain cell. Each dimming of sunlight darkened the thoughts and numbed the sensations.
This imaginary story is an allegory of what most men experience when stripped of dignity. I vividly remember the day I shared about my childlessness in public. I felt the shame coming heavily upon me. I regretted having exposed myself to the ridicule of others. I imagine any man who is facing some form of embarrassment or disgrace. He must feel like the man in the above narrative. In my journey, I developed three ways of recovering lost dignity. I call these the three Ds of regaining lost dignity.
Denoise
In the photography and graphic design worlds, this refers to a process that involves cleaning an image by reducing unwanted noise and artefacts to improve its overall quality and clarity while ensuring that the delicate details remain intact. In electronics, it is the method of eliminating noise from an electrical signal. In sound engineering, denoising is precisely what it sounds like — a simple tool to remove unwanted noise from your recording.
The challenges faced during the transition from boyhood to manhood are heightened by external noises, which include but are not limited to societal expectations, peer pressure, and cultural norms. These can significantly hinder personal growth. It is essential to overcome these external influences to support a vital developmental process, involving the removal of harmful societal noises and re-establishing and reinforcing one’s sense of self-worth. This process fosters maturity, self-awareness and confidence, ultimately enabling an individual to navigate life’s complexities with resilience and authenticity.
Decondition
This process involves deliberately removing or modulating conditioned responses to pave the way for new learning and behaviours. This approach aims to foster personal development and positive transformation, including unlearning previous habits, retraining mental patterns, or breaking negative cycles. In my specific experience, I had to alter my ingrained thought pattern regarding manhood, shifting it from a narrow focus on fatherhood to a broader understanding of healthy masculinity. I had to reframe my mind to say, “There is more to life than having children.”
Decontaminate
This effectively removes or neutralises harmful substances from an area or object, ensuring enhanced safety and cleanliness through thorough purifying, sanitising and disinfecting.
Peeling back each layer of life and gaining a deeper understanding of oneself are essential practices in real life. This process helps identify specific areas of life that require cleansing or improvement, allowing for personal growth and clarity. This is what I call decontamination. It takes a lot of courage to pinpoint areas needing detoxification.
Denoising, deconditioning, and decontamination are essential for regaining dignity. While denoising involves removing unwanted noise from images, signals, or recordings to improve quality and clarity, it is metaphorically linked to overcoming external societal influences during personal growth. Deconditioning refers to unlearning conditioned responses to foster personal development, with an example of shifting perceptions of masculinity. Decontamination entails removing harmful substances to ensure safety and cleanliness, paralleling the idea of self-examination and cleansing to achieve personal clarity and growth.
l Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube is a chaplain, counsellor, marriage coach and founder of Shunem Care, a ministry to the involuntarily childless and emotionally wounded. He has published several articles on spiritual care, mental health, chaplaincy and involuntary childlessness.
