Chronicle Editor
Thandeka Moyo-Ndlovu, Chronicle Reporter
NOTHING is more debasing, dehumanising and utterly destructive to a person than being abused by a person one looks up to for protection, Gender-Based Violence (GBV) survivors in Bulawayo have said.
The survivors narrated harrowing ordeals about how abusers were extremely affectionate in public, even drawing the envy of outsiders, and then becoming real monsters behind closed doors.
They talked of the feeling of utter helplessness that comes with seeking help from close ones and being met with disbelief and blame for “probably having done something to turn their sweet partner into a beast.” During the 16 days of Activism against GBV that ended on December 10, survivors said a lot more should be done to deliver victims from abusive partners.
GBV cases have been on the rise in the country despite commitments to end the scourge by 2030.
With the outbreak of Covid-19 pandemic, many women and girls have found themselves at an increased risk of being physically and sexually abused by loved and trusted partners, relatives and friends.
GBV does not only comprise physical abuse, rape and attempted rape, but also includes sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, forced early marriage, domestic violence, marital rape, trafficking, female genital mutilation and economic abuse.
Chronicle caught up with two GBV survivors who pleaded with anyone going through abuse to open up and speak before they are beaten to death as society stigmatises those who are keen to bring perpetrators to book.
Mitchel* from New Magwegwe says her Christian husband has been mercilessly whipping her behind closed doors partly because she has been unable to give him a child.
For her, being a church member has worsened her situation as elders misused the Bible to justify her three-year long abusive marriage.
“Ever since we got married in 2017, he has been physical abusive to me, and I was quiet all along not telling anyone about the hell I was going through. I had hoped that he would change and eventually appreciate all the hard work I put to literally worship him, do everything his way and happily do my chores without complaining,” she said.
“This continued until one day when my cousin visited me and found me with bruises all over the body, she insisted that I tell my parents and also church elders, she also took pictures of me with bruises.”
Like many typical married women Mitchel endured once more with the hope that the abuse will end until she engaged church elders hoping they would be best positioned to rebuke her husband’s behaviour.
She recalls how her husband would start off by slapping her, followed by hard punches and then bash her with any household property he could lay his hands on, insulting her for being barren.
Sometimes he would hit her head against the wall several times till she lost consciousness and then claim remorse afterwards to discourage her from telling anyone about the abuse.
“I eventually told my in-laws. They refused to accept that their son was abusive until I sent them my pictures. He then showed remorse and promised never to do it again. Then church elders also came to assist but instead of helping out they blamed me saying I am disrespectful hence I deserve to be beaten,” she said.
Mitchel says the elders visited the couple and only read out Ephesians 5 v 23 -24 which was supposed to tame me into a submissive woman who does not go around sharing her family problems with outsiders.
“They read to me several verses about wives that they must respect their husbands, but they didn’t say anything to him regarding his abuse. So, it was like they are giving him a go ahead to abuse me more.”
“After the church elders left, the abuse got worse. He was using what the church elders told him. Every time we had a misunderstanding, when I said my opinion, he would beat me and say: ‘even the church elders say that you don’t respect me,’” she said.
Mitchel decided to end the abuse, particularly the savage beating that almost ended her life.
She relived the numerous visits to hospital where she would lie about the source of her injuries while feeling embarrassed that the nurses could see through her misrepresentations.
“I went back to my parents. I took a peace order barring him from coming close to where I stay and beating me. For now, we are on separation and I’m thinking of divorcing him next year.”
She says women should be brave enough to speak out whenever they are abused as they risk dying in the name of being patient with abusive partners.
Mitchell is part of the nearly 140 000 cases of gender-based violence (GBV) reported to the police in Zimbabwe from 2015 to 2019.
Between January 2017 and December 2019 according to police, 59 647 cases of domestic violence were reported countrywide.
In the five years leading to December 2019, police handled 59 121 cases of rape, while 19 124 reports of indecent assault were filed at police stations countrywide, according to official statistics.
The year 2018 alone saw police handling 21 435 cases of domestic violence.
Reports of emotional violence were up by 80,3 percent, while economic violence, which is generally caused by low incomes, was up by 42,4 percent.
Historically, Zimbabwe’s first attempt to deal with cultural practices that perpetuate GBV was through enacting the Customary Marriages Act in 1951 which prohibited the pledging of girls and women into marriage and making the practice a criminal offence.
In 2007, the Domestic Violence Act, which illegalised specified cultural practices that upheld gender inequality, was signed into law.
For another survivor, Rutendo*, her dream wedding nine years ago was a dream come true and her parents told her that no one leaves marriage for whatever reason.
“It all started with a simple request that he did not want me visiting friends and relatives as he wanted me all to himself. I found that sweet and within a few months I had cut all ties with friends and relatives,” says Rutendo.
“He kept on removing loved ones from the circle and one day said he didn’t want me visiting anyone or leaving the house to buy groceries to protect me from any outsider who may plant discord in our marriage. All that sounded innocent until he started beating me and I had no one to tell as I had shut everyone out of my seemingly happy marriage.
She says the abuse worsened and with time he claimed that he could only reach a sexual climax when she was in tears and pain.
“He would bash me till I bled and then force me to have sex with him saying he preferred it that way. In those nine year we bore two children and that did not even stop him as one day he beat me while I was carrying my youngest daughter.”
For Rutendo, the turning point came when her husband got drunk and almost axed her to death during an argument.
“I then decided to flee from where we were renting and travelled to the rural areas to visit my parents for the first time after our wedding. I managed to convince my parents to take me back and now I am working while pursuing my studies and no amount of apologies will make me go back to that monster,” she said.
Rutendo says cultural and religious expectations tend to force women to endure abuse even to the point of death.
“No amount of laws, commemorations and campaigns will ever end GBV as long as women still subscribe to the societal belief that men are always justified to beat women. We need to rise and accept that the time to speak out on abuse is now and we must normalize the act of reporting an abuser even if it can lead to divorce or separation.
Mitchel*, Rutendo* not real names
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