admin
Vaidah Mashangwa
Adults do not need to be told to be responsible because a sense of responsibility is inculcated in every young person through socialisation and parenting. We live in relation to others and part of this socialisation process is that of responsibility.
As citizens, parents, spouses, workers and so on we ought to be responsible for our actions. Without a sense of responsibility chaotic situations arise. For example, it is irritating when a lecturer comes late for lessons; our lives are in danger when a reckless driver decides to violate traffic rules and so on.
Above all this there are covenants made during marriage, covenants to be faithful to each other in sickness and in health. As a result, husband and wife anticipate that each one of them would be where they are supposed to be at the right time, do what they are supposed to do and say what they are supposed to say in earnest.
A husband assumes that when he gets home supper will be ready; a wife assumes that when a husband finishes work he will be home in time for supper unless he has informed the wife that he will be late. If husband and wife do not conform to these actions then they soon judge each other as untrustworthy and irresponsible.
The rising divorce cases are a clear indication that marriage is slowly becoming like an old shirt tearing at the seams. Lack of communication, financial misunderstanding, infidelity, and domestic violence, lack of moral commitment, and even childlessness are some of the causes of failure of many marriages. What happens to the vows, “till death do us part?”
According to the book Will Marriage Work in Today’s World? well over half of the marriages are doomed to end either in divorce or miserable unhappiness.
The Time Magazine reported that there are now a fewer deep, stable relationships due to infidelity and the civilisation that we are getting to. Actually, couples are failing to be together for periods like 40 years.
There is also decadency of morals among people of all ages. Married women and men are getting more and more involved in extra-marital affairs.
Why has something so wonderful like marriage become a source of so much misery and pain? God intended marriage to be an unending blessing union of two lives where fornication, adultery, abortion and prostitution cannot exist.
Unfortunately these things flourish in our modern world today. Married life has become hell for most men and women. The adage, “till death do us part” no longer applies. According to Romans 14:23: “Whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” Marriage is acceptance of one’s husband or wife as a gift from God and that is why people take the vows of fidelity. It is the couple’s choice to be true to each other as long as they live but how many are true to each other throughout their marriage. Many couples are taking marriage vows for granted.
Responsible couples have a free disposition to honour commitment, to fulfil duties and to be sensitive to one’s actions. Couples have a responsibility to maintain a sense of moral identity and integrity.
Infidelity brings with it unwanted pregnancies, HIV/Aids, STIs, psychological damage, domestic violence, abortion just to mention but a few. It is impossible for a husband and wife to commit adultery and remain committed to the other partner.
Infidelity destroys the true inner self and one struggles with divided love. Such couples live with a guilty conscience throughout their lives. Natural love is the pure love of one’s husband and wife in marriage. Truly committed romantic relationships involve foregoing of other romantic relationships and commitment to only one partner.
It is unfortunate that in general, women report more problems and dissatisfaction in marriage than men because women are more sensitive than men to marital problems. Men and women, it appears, come into a relationship with different hopes and expectations. If these expectations are not met then both of them express dissatisfaction in numerous ways.
Research has demonstrated that there are quite a number of things that can make a marriage work or not.
First, individuals in successful marriages share their feelings with each other and express their fondness and admiration of each other.
They sing each other’s praises and have a positive image of their marriage.
In good marriages, spouses turn to each other regularly. They see each other as friends. The friendship does not keep away arguments but it even prevents differences that destroy the relationship.
In such instances, spouses respect each other and appreciate their partners’ point of view despite disagreements.
Bad marriages at times involve one spouse who is unwilling to share power with the other. Men usually show this trait but there are also wives who think they should have an upper hand in the marriage. A willingness to share power and respect the other person’s view is a prerequisite to a successful marriage. The quality of a marriage is determined by the decisions made together.
Apart from that, couples should be able to solve conflicts. There are at times conflicts to do with how often to have sex, when to have children, conflicts on how to budget and spend money, conflicts about in-laws, a new baby, and payment of bills. At times it is easier to solve problems using a softer rather than harsh approach. Couples have to regulate their emotions, compromise and learn to tolerate each other’s faults.
In addition, the more partners speak candidly and respectfully with each other, the more likely they will have shared meaning in their marriage. This also includes sharing goals with one’s spouse and working together to achieve the set goals.
There are benefits associated with a good marriage. Individuals who are happily married live longer and have healthier lives than the divorced or those who are unhappily married.
In another study, couples who were happily married had lower levels of risk factors such as blood pressure, cholesterol levels and body mass index. They also had lower levels of depression, anxiety and anger than couples in unhappy marriages.
An unhappy marriage can actually shorten one’s life by an average of four years.
So there we are couples – till death do us part.
Vaidah Mashangwa is Bulawayo Provincial Development Officer in the Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development. She can be contacted on +263 77 211 1592 email: [email protected]
Online Reporter
Sidumisile Mabena