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Sandisiwe Mahlangu
I could hardly resist the temptation, dear reader, to revisit the subject of suicide following a spate of highly publicised such cases in the media in the past week or so.
Zimbabweans learnt through this widely read newspaper of the suicide cases that occurred mostly in Bulawayo and the southern part of the country. It is quite disturbing.
Initially it was a pastor, followed by a headmaster, and then a soldier before a case of a policeman’s wife who shot herself was also mentioned.
It has become more evident that suicide does cut across cultures and professions. In short it can affect anyone. It is, indeed, disturbing to note that someone close to you may be contemplating suicide.
Are you thinking of suicide?
You are not alone. Thoughts of suicide occur to many people for a range of reasons. The most important thing to remember is that help is available.
Talking to someone is a good start, even though it may seem difficult.
If you are thinking of suicide, it is important to recognise these thoughts for what they are; expressions of a treatable medical illness. Do not let fear, shame or embarrassment stand in the way of communicating with a health worker at your nearest health centre, your doctor, family or friends. Tell someone right away.
Try not to be alone when you feel this way. Suicidal thinking can be treated. When suicidal thoughts occur, they are a signal than more than ever you need help from a professional. Know that you can get through this. Promise yourself you will hold on for another day, hour or whatever you can manage.
Most people who consider suicide get through the crisis. Family, friends and professionals can make a big difference in helping people stay safe and re-establish reason for living. With courage and understanding, you can help a friend or family member overcome thoughts of suicide. If you are prepared and informed, you will be better able to help.
It is extremely important for people with mood disorders to receive early, quality treatment from health care professionals. If you believe someone close to you has serious depression, help that person find and stick with effective treatment.
Know someone who might be considering suicide?
1. Do something now
If you are concerned that someone you know is considering suicide, act immediately. Do not assume that they will get better without help or that they will seek help on their own. It is easy to avoid being part of that help or to hope that someone else will step in. Reaching out now could save a life.
2. Acknowledge Your Reaction
When you realise that you need to take action to help someone who is considering suicide, your normal reaction may be to:
– Panic
– Ignore the situation and hope it will go away.
– Look for quick-fix solutions to make a person feel better.
– Criticise or blame the person for their feelings.
– Tell the person that they are silly and trivialise the issue or dismiss them.
These reactions are common but not helpful. It is natural to feel panicky and shocked, but take time to listen and think before you act. If you find you are really struggling, enlist help of a trusted friend or helpline.
3. Be there for them
Spend time with the person and express your care and concern. Ask them how they are feeling, hear their pain and listen to what’s on their mind. Let them do most of the talking.
4. Ask if they are thinking of suicide
Unless someone tells you, the only way to know if a person is thinking suicide is to ask. Asking can sometimes be very difficult but it shows that you have noticed things, you have been listening. It shows that you care and that the person thinking of suicide is not alone.
Talking about suicide will not put the idea into their head but will encourage them to talk about their feelings. They will often feel a great sense of relief that someone is prepared to talk with them about their darkest thoughts.
5. Check out their safety
If a person is considering suicide, it is important to know how much they have thought about it. So ask them the following:
– Have they thought about how and when they plan to kill themselves?
– Are they able to carry out their plan?
– Have they deliberately harmed themselves?
– What support can they access to stay safe and get help?
– How can you help them to draw on connection with family, friends, religious convictions, personal coping strengths and strategies?
Use this information to decide what to do. If you are really worried, do not leave the person alone. Seek immediate help. Remove any means of suicide available, including weapons, medications, alcohol and other drugs, even access to a car. Most importantly, be aware of your own safety.
For immediate crisis intervention, when life may be in danger, ring the ambulance or police or go to your nearest local hospital emergency department with the person.
6. Decide what to do
Now that you have this information you need to discuss together what steps you are going to take. What you decide to do needs to take into account the safety concerns that you have. Do not agree to keep it a secret.
You may need the help of others to persuade the person to get professional help or at least to take the first steps to stay safe. These may include their partner, parents or close friends. Only by sharing this information can you make sure that the person gets help and the support they need.
Sometimes the person at risk says they do not want help. Yet we know most people are in two minds about suicide. Make keeping them safe your first priority. Consider the long term benefits of getting help for the person. It may mean risking the relationship you have with them, but you could be saving a life.
7. Take Action
The person can get help from a range of professional and supportive people including a general practitioner; counsellor, psychologist, social worker; school counsellor, youth group leader, sports coach; emergency services like police and ambulance; mental health services; priest, minister, religious leader; telephone crisis support services such as The Samaritans and Contact Family Counselling Centre.
In some situations, the person may refuse to get help. While it is important that you find them the help they need, you cannot force them to accept it. You need to ensure that the appropriate people are aware of the situation. Do not shoulder this responsibility alone.
8. Ask For A Promise
Thoughts of suicide often return and when they do it is important for the person to again reach out and tell someone. Asking them to promise to do this makes it more likely that it will happen. Encourage the person to promise to call you, a GP or a helpline if suicidal thoughts return and to do this before they harm themselves.
9. Look After Yourself
If you are helping someone who is considering suicide, make sure you also take care of yourself. It is difficult and emotionally draining to support someone who is suicidal, especially over an extended period.
• Do not do it on your own. Find someone to talk to, someone like a friend, family or a professional.
• Recruit other people to help support the person you are worried about.
• Try not to let your concerns about the other person dominate your life. Make sure you continue to enjoy your usual activities, take time out to have fun and keep a sense of perspective.
10. Stay Involved
Thoughts of suicide do not disappear easily without the person at risk experiencing some change. Their situation or feelings may change or they may feel more supported and able to deal with it. In either situation, the continued involvement of family and friends is very important. Continue to be supportive not over protective.
People who have recently been discharged from hospital for treatment of mental health problems may also be at high risk of suicide. It is important that they receive ongoing support in the community.
What To Look Out For
Situations – What is happening in the person’s life? Have they experienced any life changes?
– Recent loss (a loved one, a job, an income/livelihood, a relationship or even a pet)
– Major disappointment (failed exams, missed job promotions)
– Change in circumstances (separation/ divorce, retirement, redundancy)
– Mental disorder or physical illness or injury
– Suicide of a family member, friend or a public figure
– Financial and/or legal problems.
Feelings – How does the person feel about their life?
– Events and life changes can be difficult and sometimes devastating. Most people who experience them do not consider suicide, but some do. Be aware of:
How the person feels about what has happened
What it means to them
Whether the pain feels bearable.
Behaviour – What are they doing?
People at risk of suicide usually give clues by the way they behave. These may include:
– Previous suicide attempts
– Being moody, sad and withdrawn
– Talking of feeling hopeless, helpless or worthless
– Taking less care of themselves and their appearance
– Losing interest in things they previously enjoyed
– Difficulty concentrating and/or sleeping
– Talking or joking about suicide
– Being more irritable and agitated
– Expressing thoughts about death through drawings, stories, songs, etc.
– Saying goodbye to others and/or giving away possessions
– Engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviour
– Increasing alcohol or drug use
Remember though, that despite our best efforts, some people will still die by suicide.
The Samaritans numbers are 09 -65000 or 09-65050
Sandisiwe Mahlangu is a Health professional with psychiatric mental health qualification. Her contact details are 0774 782 282, cell: [email protected]
Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter