Househelp making my home her own

I am considering dropping out

I am a young man aged 22 and doing my tertiary education at one of the universities in the country. At the moment, l am very demoralised. I really do not know whether to continue or not. My parents are struggling to keep me in school. They are so determined to see me through graduation.

A few of my friends dropped out of school for hustling/kungwavha-ngwavha and they are now very successful. Comparatively, some of my educated friends are just roaming the streets doing nothing tangible. I cannot think straight. Please advise me. What will education do for me in this environment?

Response

Hello and thanks for writing in. I am glad that you have persevered this far and appreciate your parent’s efforts. I hope you are working hard in school. Now is not the time to get demoralised or focus on what others are doing. In any economy, you have to create a path for yourself. Try to ascertain what gaps are in the market or what you can exploit to make a living for yourself. While education may not be a guarantee of success, the same applies to being uneducated and hustling. If you break it down, there is no formula or blueprint to kungwavha-ngwavha.

Your friends may be posers or even involved in illegal activities and you would not know a thing. I think it has to do with work ethic and trying to find what works for you. Finish your degree and make your parents proud. Along the way, you have access to career guidance as is offered by most institutes.

Try to seek knowledge on how best you can earn a living from the skills and knowledge you are acquiring. You can also try to delve into some side projects to gain some income to put towards your tuition and put money in your pocket. I would recommend applying for entry-level jobs/internships or even what some may term menial jobs and working your way up the ladder while also studying if your schedule permits. Success is hard-fought.

You need to try before you get demoralised and defeated. You also need to count your blessings. Others failed to progress to tertiary levels because of lack of funding. My final word is where there is a will there is a way.

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Brother broke my trust

I am a middle-aged man and I am happily married with two kids. Around mid-January, my older brother asked if he could use one of my cars to go with his family to our rural home.

His car has been down for quite some time now. I agreed to give him the car with a full tank of fuel provided he brought it back with a full tank too. This was a man-to-man arrangement and we were both happy with it. When they set a date for the trip, his wife invited my wife to tag along with them and we both thought this was a good idea.

My spouse took groceries for our parents. My brother brought the car back and it had less than a quarter tank of fuel. When I asked him, he fumed and said I should not have asked him to refuel it because they travelled together with my wife. We had a bad verbal exchange. We are not talking at present. Please advise me. I do not know what I did wrong in this case.

Response

I commend you for helping your brother in a time of need. I think he should have honoured your arrangement regardless of whom he went with to your rural home. I think the aspect of inviting your wife to tag along was actually a scheme for him to get out of refuelling your car. It is water under the bridge now. I wish you had not resorted to a verbal fight. You have learnt your lesson. They say a burnt child dreads fire.

What people tend to forget is that as a family, we will always need each other. Life has a way of repeating itself and he may soon need another favour, perhaps even one of a similar nature. I would advise that you move on and accept what happened.

I would, however, also want you to find an elder relative, perhaps an uncle who can reconcile the two of you and make your brother see the error of his ways. A three-quarter tank of fuel and a bruised ego is nothing to break the family apart. This has taken away all the positives gained by taking the trip to visit your parents. Once he accepts that you will get your apology and possibly your fuel back too, I hope in future he stops making storms in teacups.

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Househelp making my home her own

I have a hard-working housekeeper but she has an attitude. She is older than me and I think that contributes to her not bothering to give me the respect I deserve.

Some family members have advised that I replace her, but, I tell you, the domestic industry is not what it used to be. There are many tricky characters out there. My housekeeper is my neighbour’s best friend. When she is off, she even goes to help out. I was never told about this arrangement. She gives my things to this woman without consulting me. Of late, the neighbour leaves her two toddlers with my housekeeper when she goes out. I asked her why they resorted to such an arrangement and my housekeeper told me that she does not see a problem since she is the one who will be looking after the kids.

I have a four-year-old child who goes to ECD daily. I am so hurt! I no longer enjoy my home. It is as if I am staying at the housekeeper’s home. My husband said he will not say a word until I fire this stubborn woman.

Response

I am saddened by the fact that your husband is silent when all this is taking place. Issues affecting your home are to be resolved by both of you. I concur that good help is hard to come by.

However, you cannot paint everyone with the same brush. You also may not live in fear of firing a difficult employee because of the nature of the job market.

Skills can be acquired while attitude is hard to adjust. Let her go and settle for someone with similar experience or a desire to learn. What is important is attitude.

You must also not live in fear of your neighbour. Once you fire the housekeeper, tell her this issue of treating your house as a daycare centre stops.

Learn to lock your gate at all times and go about your business freely. I tell you, once you do this, you will feel a breath of fresh air.

 

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