Sundaymail Editor
I hope my letter finds you well. I have been married for 15 years and I have two teenage children. I run our family supermarket with my husband’s assistance, although he is employed elsewhere. For the past 12 months or so, he has been acting funny, but I could not put a finger on the reason.
Just recently I heard from the grapevine that he was having an affair with one of the girls who works in our supermarket. I have been trying hard to see if indeed this was so, but I have not come up with anything tangible. I thought of confiding in my mother-in-law because we have had a good relationship. Amai, I got the shock of my life when she told me, straight-faced, that my husband was running away from me because I am not a smart woman. She further added that my cooking was terrible despite having all the necessary ingredients and resources.
Her advice was for me to improve or her family would recommend that my husband find a more presentable woman. I am disappointed and confused. I have no idea where all this is coming from. I do not know whether I should tell my husband or not. Please help. I have become a shadow of myself.
Response
Greetings dear writer. Your letter saddens me. I always discourage people from listening to the grapevine as it may not be true. In this instance, I think you need to confront your husband. If he is having an affair with one of the employees, it needs to end.
Furthermore, why is he gossiping about you to his family, but not addressing any issues he has with you directly? I think there is a communication problem in this relationship and you need to resolve it immediately. I recommend counselling. To all my readers, I urge you to address relationship problems head-on instead of beating about the bush. Your in-laws are also fuelling the problem by supporting his behaviour. You have indeed hit a rough patch. Vana tete, pastors and the likes can also try and nip this in the bud before it goes any further.
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Neighbour is acting suspiciously
Amai, thank you so much for The Sunday Mail column. I have learnt a lot from it. We are a peace-loving family and we rarely interact with our neighbours at all. I am writing on behalf of the entire family because we do not understand what our neighbour’s wife is up to. This has been going on for a long time. Our homes are divided by a precast concrete wall. When this woman cleans her yard, she burns litter at a spot where all smoke comes to our house.
She does not change the spot. What makes it suspicious is she does this around 6pm or later in the evening and yet she does not go to work. This is provocative. Could this be a ritual or she just wants to pick a fight with our family? We have never asked her, but now we are getting very concerned. Please advise how do we handle this peacefully?
Response
Hello and thank you for following the column. I think some people are generally provocative in how they go about their business and often want to elicit a response. Inform them of how this smoke is affecting you and inquire why she does it at very odd and strange hours. It is unneighbourly.
You can also rope in other people from her household like her husband and ask why they prefer burning litter at the same spot all the time. I guarantee once you have made them aware that you have noticed this provocative routine, they will be embarrassed and change their ways. Continue to interact with others as cordially as possible.
To all my readers, I say it is pivotal to get along with others well in communities as your neighbours are often the first line of help in times of need. Avoid infuriating them.
Girlfriend embarrasses me often
I am a 28-year-old single man madly in love with a 26-year-old woman. I love her with all my heart and would want to spend the rest of my life with her. I understand that you get to know something about your future spouse during courtship. What I have learnt so far from my partner is worrisome because it is a red flag.
She has a problem of always asking for things from me and even from other people. She is an avid beggar. This is really putting me off. At times, it embarrasses me when we are with family and friends (anoda zvinhu). Last weekend was one of the worst of her episodes to date.
We went to visit my friend who recently got married and she asked for this woman’s brooch and was told it was something of sentimental value, but she insisted. The lady became teary until the hubby explained to her that she got it when her sister passed on last month as is their custom. How do I get this solved amai?
Response
Let me get straight into it. There is no easy way to say this, but you need to call a spade a spade. Let her know how this trait makes you feel and how it compromises her perception in the eyes of your friends and family. Her last incident was uncalled for and rather embarrassing. If she keeps it up, people will avoid her and you altogether. Luckily, she is not beyond redemption.
I recommend you go for premarital counselling and iron out these kinks before committing long-term.
Tell her you are only addressing it because you love her. Be prepared for her to also call you out on your not-so-desirable traits. Continue to work on each other and it shall be well. I wish you the best of luck.
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