Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I am aged 37 and my husband is 39. We are blessed with two wonderful children.
Recently, my husband began hitting the gym and adopting a healthy diet. I truly respect his decision, it is great that he is staying committed to his wellness goals. However, he is now trying to impose this lifestyle on the whole family. He insists on joining me for grocery shopping and checks everything I place in the trolley.
This really bothers me because I do not want to eat exactly like he does. Our kids have even stopped enjoying their Sunday ice cream and other treats. On top of that, he has changed his perfume and wardrobe.
I am not sure whether this is linked to work. His new boss is exceptionally sharp and stylish. I do not want to feel guilty for enjoying the food I like. He scolds the children and me whenever we eat something he deems unhealthy. How can we find a middle ground, Amai?
Response
Hello writer, thank you very much for reaching out. When positive change enters a family, it should uplift everyone, not create tension. It is wonderful that your husband is taking steps to improve his health, but he needs to understand that true leadership inspires rather than imposes. A supportive partner encourages change through love and understanding, not control. This journey should be a shared one, taken at each family member’s own pace.
Encourage your husband to have open conversations with you and the kids about the benefits of healthier habits, while also acknowledging your preferences.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better version of oneself. In fact, it is admirable. But children, especially, need balance and that includes occasional treats and moments of joy that do not always revolve around nutrition labels.
I suggest having an honest, heartfelt conversation with him. Reaffirm your support for his health goals, but let him know how the current dynamic is affecting you and the kids. Communication, empathy and compromise will bring harmony back into your home.
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Enough is enough
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 20-year-old university student with a younger sister and brother. Our parents are both gainfully employed. If you lived in our neighbourhood, you could mistake our home for a hotel.
We constantly have visitors, especially from my mother’s side, arriving unannounced. It is extremely disruptive. The three of us are students and our studies are frequently disturbed.
I really wish these visitors would give my parents some notice so we can be better prepared. Some overstay their welcome and act entitled.
This winter has been particularly cold, yet visitors arrive expecting to share our bedding and food. Is it truly part of our culture for people to visit without any warning and even ask for money for their return journey?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. I am truly sorry to hear about the situation in your home. You have raised an important and thoughtful question.
Culturally, hospitality is a deeply rooted value, but it does not mean enabling freeloaders. While it is not cast in stone, it is both respectful and considerate for visitors to bring something with them — groceries, produce from the rural areas or even simple tokens of appreciation.
Times have changed and unless it is an emergency, it is only polite for visitors to inform their hosts in advance. This gives the host family time to prepare or graciously decline if they are unable to accommodate visitors. A guest should also bring their own essentials — like toiletry and blankets — especially in winter. Since these unexpected visits are affecting your studies, I recommend speaking to your parents with kindness and honesty.
Share how the frequent disruptions are impacting your academic life. They may not be aware of just how deeply this is affecting you and your siblings. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Between a rock wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwand a hard place
Amai, how are you? I am a 29-year-old man, married to a woman of the same age. I have a habit of hiding a little money in the garage for drinks, so my wife does not know. I had stashed US$200 under an old tyre.
Usually, the gardener cleans the garage, but last week I came home to find it spotless. I was told that my wife had instructed the househelp to do a thorough clean-up. Now, I cannot find the money.
I do not know who to ask between the two domestic workers. I am afraid if I raise the issue, my wife will catch on. Amai, I am desperate to recover my money. What can I do? Can I trust the workers to keep the matter under wraps?
Response
Thank you for writing, dear son. I am doing well and I hope you are too. Let me be honest with you — hiding money from your spouse is a shaky foundation in any marriage. It is not just about the US$200; it is about trust and openness. Secrets tend to unravel and the longer you hold them, the more damage they cause. This is a moment to be courageous.
Own up to your mistake. Confess to your wife and apologise sincerely. Yes, she may be upset, and yes, it might affect how she sees you — for a time. But the relief and clarity that come from honesty are worth far more than hidden dollars.
As for the workers, asking them to keep secrets from your wife not only puts them in an uncomfortable position — it also sends a message that deception is acceptable in your home.
That is not the kind of leadership or character you want to show. You have learnt a painful lesson, but a powerful one. Budgeting together, even when there is room for individual choices, strengthens your marriage.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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