Sundaymail Editor
Dear amai, how are you? My husband and I are retired nurses. I relocated to the rural areas because I love it here and I stay with our workers. We let out our urban home. My husband hates it here and spends most of his time rotating in our kid’s homes. I miss him a lot.
I do not wish to join him and stay in our children’s homes because I do not want to burden them. What would be the best way to meet him halfway? I was thinking perhaps we should move back into our urban home. Please help.
Response
I am well, thanks for asking. I think your issue is very straightforward. When you made the choice to relocate, were you both on the same page? That being said, he could try to visit more often so you do not feel as lonely.
That would be meeting halfway. I sense you want to keep the peace. So go ahead, inform him and the kids of your plan and tell them where it is coming from. If there are no other issues that keep him from spending time with you, I am sure he will agree to this move. I think it is a good move. It is easier to communicate and be a functional couple when you stay together under one roof. In addition, I am sure it is one of the best ways to enjoy retirement. Keep me posted on how it goes.
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Ashamed of myself
Hello amai. I am a 45-year-old man. I grew up in a backward society that did not prioritise education. I dropped out of school in Grade Four. I am now a gardener and work for a lovely couple who treat me well.
They now want me to join a local study group so I can better myself. I am embarrassed at the thought of this because people see me as a decent individual in the community. How do I go about it? Must I turn down this opportunity?
Response
Hello dear writer and thanks for writing in. I am very sorry you grew up in unfortunate circumstances. I think this may be a second opportunity and you must grasp it with both hands. Go to the study group and build yourself up.
There is nothing wrong with improving yourself. I think if anything, it will boost your standing in society. Everyone will see that you are continuously pushing. Once you go to that local study group, you may be amazed to see more people who may be older or around the same age as you working towards bettering themselves.
I pray that God blesses this couple, they have you at heart.
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Is being a loner a crime?
I am a 30-year-old woman and I am a bit of a loner. I am cold and I do not entertain people a lot either at work or in my personal life. My family thinks chivanhu and ndine something chakandigara. My co-workers gossip about me and avoid me at all costs.
Honestly, I do not know if there is something wrong with me or not. Being a loner gives me inner peace. I find it hard to relate to people or even their jokes. My parents are even proposing remedies but I do not believe in this hogwash. What do you think I must do?
Response
I read your letter with a bit of concern. Being a loner is not out of the ordinary, but the fact that others around you are noticing it is concerning. It could be something you need to consult a therapist about so you get to the root of it. Social skills are essential in life.
No one person is an island. It is mean that your workmates gossip about you. Some work environments are very unhealthy and unstable.
If this persists, inform human resources to look into it.
I applaud you for not agreeing to whatever your parents were going to suggest. It is important to honour your beliefs. Go for therapy and try to establish what causes such behaviour and how best to tweak it so you fit into society better.
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