Online Reporter
DESPITE sleeping with 14 men by the age of 44, Emma Fullwood had never had an orgasm. Now, after much exploration and chats with hundreds of women, Emma, 49, from Hove, East Sussex, England, reckons she knows the secrets — and has six simple tips to help every woman get there. This is her story:
Emma Fullwood
STANDING on the balcony in the sultry heat of the Spanish evening, I shivered with passion as my boyfriend moved towards me.
I knew exactly what he had in mind, and I was completely up for it.
It felt risky and sexy — the bar below was buzzing with customers spilling out onto the street.
I knew they might be able to hear our gasps of pleasure, and that only added to the excitement. I felt as though I was in a film.
But then, as he was really getting into it, a part of me detached, and I moved away from the brink of an orgasm.
I was 22 then, but it was a feeling I was already familiar with, as many other women are.
How many times have you had distracting thoughts during sex?
Worrying about how your body looks, whether someone might overhear you, how you are performing or something totally unrelated, such as your job.
It’s well documented that women are affected by distracting thoughts more than men.
For me, this continued until five years ago, when I finally learnt the secret of good sex.
My sex life might not be something you’d see depicted in a raunchy movie, but after more than 5,000 hours of sex, I finally know that I will feel completely satisfied in every single way.
It’s effortless, and I can even do it without being touched, as I know my body so well.
Crucially, I know how to tell a man exactly what I need, and I don’t care about pleasing him — you have to be selfish and look after your own needs rather than trying to please.
Now I work as an orgasm coach, and I have helped more than 200 women between the ages of 18 and 71 to reach the same heights of pleasure.
There is, and always has been, an orgasm gap.
The most recent series of Bridgerton tackled the very issue when Francesca Bridgerton was asked by her new husband John Stirling whether she had reached her “pinnacle”.
An orgasm had eluded her, and the couple went on to explore things together.
The show is set in the Regency era of the early 1800s, but even today, 61 per cent of men orgasm every time they have sex, while only 30 per cent of women do. And 75 per cent of women don’t orgasm through penetration alone.
My clients are testament to this. But there is no need for a gap — I truly believe the vast majority of women could achieve it if they knew how.
I was arguably too young when I lost my virginity at 14, with my classmate boyfriend of a few months.
It isn’t something I’d advise. But for me, it wasn’t problematic — it was actually beautiful.
I felt ready; we were the same age, there was no imbalance, and we were both as keen as each other.
We were at his parents’ house, it was very tender, he kissed me all over, and then we did it.
I didn’t orgasm, but I loved it and felt connected. I didn’t feel shame about it.
When it ended a few weeks later, I was devastated. But I recovered, and we are still in touch occasionally now.
Since then, I’ve pretty much always had a man in my life, from one-night stands to three-month flings and six-year relationships.
In total, I’ve slept with 14 men, and it averages out that I’ve spent three hours a week having sex for 35 years.
That’s 5,460 hours. It’s been fumbling, average, good and very good — but up until five years ago, a vaginal orgasm eluded me.
My next boyfriend, when I was 16, stuck around for three months.
Then, when I was 17, I went to Majorca to work as a dancer, and that’s when I met my first long-term boyfriend of six years.
After that, I had a few flings and one-night stands before I met my now ex-husband in 2000.
We married in 2005 and, to my shame, I cheated on him when I met my next long-term lover in 2006.
We got together officially in 2007, and I had our son in 2011, before we split up in 2018. The vast majority of all those relationships followed the same pattern.
I was a passion junkie, always looking for that “rip your clothes off” sort of sex.
When it naturally waned, I would do everything to chase that initial passion — dressing up in saucy underwear and having risky sex.
I’ve done it on park benches, in the sea, on the beach, and on that balcony.
But sex was often performative — I’d moan as if I was in a Hollywood movie, channelling Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.
It was pleasurable, but often it came from anticipation rather than the actual sex, and, on occasion, I’d fake my orgasms.
I don’t blame the men — they did their best.
But no one can guess what you want if you don’t even know yourself.
In 2019, I met my partner and decided I was not going to fake it again.
During lockdown, we had only been dating for a few months, so we weren’t living together and couldn’t meet up.
I decided to go on a voyage of discovery and began exploring my body, enjoying the sensation of touch and concentrating on what I reacted to and how I liked to be held.
Around three months later, I had an orgasm during penetrative sex with him.
It was incredible, like nothing I had experienced before, and I felt empowered.
Now I’m so in tune with my body and I can even have an orgasm without touch, breathing deeply into sensation to achieve a burst of pleasure.
But it is not only learning to explore my body, but it is also changing my mindset.
I realised pleasure isn’t dependent on how you look or how many times you change position, or moan.
It is about feeling comfortable and confident in yourself, knowing what you want, and not being afraid of communicating it. — The Sun Club
