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Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
As we celebrate Africa Day and reflect on the values of unity and togetherness, it is important to apply these principles to our relationships as well.
Couples, families, and individuals can all benefit from fortifying their bonds through love and respect.
In a world where temptations and distractions abound, holding on to each other and cherishing the unique cultural traditions that bring us together becomes even more crucial.
Using culture as a tool for nurturing love and understanding, rather than as an excuse for ill-treatment or infidelity, can lead to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.
Let us remember that our cultural heritage is a source of strength and pride, not a licence to harm those we hold dear.
This Africa Day, we can draw inspiration from the unity and resilience of African communities while navigating the complexities of modern relationships.
This week, a topic I thought was age-old surfaced in a discussion on a platform I follow and sparked an outpouring of comments.
I would have loved to share them all, but will wait to hear your views on the matter. A lady asked if marriage was worth saving, where there is infidelity.
She put it this way: ” If you’ve been married for 25 years and your husband cheats, is the marriage worth saving?”
The fact that she was asking on a social platform showed this was a difficult thing to deal with.
One said: “I was like you. Almost exactly 25 years. Then I found out he had cheated and had been cheating for three years before I found out. I decided that I would fight for the marriage mostly because I had kids and didn’t want to overturn their lives.
“I also thought I was being a bigger person by being compassionate. How naïve I was! The problem is, someone who has an affair has serious issues.
“Saving the marriage involves dealing with those issues.” She added: “…if he is aware of his infraction, admits that it was wrong and damaging, and is willing to go to extensive therapy is there any chance that your marriage is worth saving. You also have to be willing to go to extensive therapy…”
I realised some couples not getting what they want in their union might be due to mismatched beliefs and perceptions they hold, that in some cases, they may not even realise.
Marriage is a sacred bond between two individuals often seen as a lifelong commitment filled with love, trust, and mutual respect.
However, what happens when this trust is shattered by infidelity?
The reasons for infidelity make for an unending debate that we are not getting into at this point. The question of whether a marriage is worth saving after one partner cheats is indeed a difficult one, especially when it has been 25 years since the union began, as in the case above.
In moments like this, it’s essential to understand the complexities of such a situation and navigate the path forward with clarity and empathy and not be harsh with comments.
Infidelity is not merely an act of physical betrayal; it strikes at the core of emotional intimacy and trust within a relationship.
When a long-term marriage is rocked by an affair, the immediate emotions that follow are often a mix of shock, anger, sadness, and confusion.
In the case of the deceived person, feelings of betrayal and hurt can be overwhelming, leading to questions about the validity of the entire relationship.
It is crucial first and foremost, to acknowledge and process these emotions in a healthy and constructive manner.
I often mention the importance of seeking therapy or counselling, either individually or as a couple, which I believe can provide a safe space to express feelings, gain clarity, and work through the pain caused by the betrayal.
Effective communication is key during this phase, as it allows both partners to express their thoughts, fears, and hopes for the future.
When considering whether a marriage is worth saving after infidelity, it is essential to analyse the root causes of the affair.
Was it a moment of weakness, a cry for attention, or a sign of deeper issues within the relationship?
Sometimes a spouse from a polygamous family, or just with polygamous desire may not express it, but remains a secret wish that can fester and start rearing its head seemingly in a sudden manner.
In such a case, the truth is that a partner may not have put their cards on the table from the beginning, about their future intentions. Understanding the motivations behind the cheating can shed light on areas that need to be addressed and improved moving forward.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool in the healing process, but it is not always easy to grant, especially in the face of such a profound breach of trust.
It is crucial for both parties to understand that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the infidelity; rather, it is a conscious decision to let go of the anger and resentment that can poison the possibility of reconciliation.
In the case of a 25-year marriage, the decision to save the relationship after infidelity carries additional weight due to the shared history, memories, and life experiences that have been accumulated over the years.
The choice to stay married should not be solely based on the length of time spent together but on a genuine shared desire to work through the pain, rebuild trust, and create a stronger, more resilient bond.
Counselling and therapy are not for everyone of course but can play a crucial role in this process. Providing a neutral space for both partners to explore their feelings, address underlying issues, and create a roadmap for rebuilding the relationship may be necessary.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to save a marriage after infidelity rests with the individuals involved.
It is a deeply personal choice that requires introspection, honesty, and compassion. While some couples may find their way back to each other stronger and more connected than before, others may realise that the damage caused by the affair is irreparable.
The ultimate decision requires courage, introspection, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, one thing is clear: healing takes time, effort, and a genuine desire to move forward together.
With patience, understanding, and empathy, couples can find their way back to each other and create a new chapter of love, trust, and resilience.
Happy Africa Day to all couples and those still searching for their one true love.
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