Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DearAmai, I hope I find you well. I am a 35-year-old woman who dated a 25-year-old man for six months, and we were both madly in love. We discussed marriage and he loved the idea.
We went to see his tete, but she complained about our age difference and advised us not to plan ahead until we received his parents’ approval.
I do not know what the parents were told because they refused to see me.
My partner remained in love with me and said that if we loved each other, that was all that mattered. Despite facing opposition from relatives, we eventually got married and three of his friends accompanied him to our lobola ceremony.
However, only two months after paying lobola, he decided to quit the marriage due to pressure from outside forces.
He has moved out of my apartment to go back to his family home and said my family can keep the lobola money.
I also hear he is planning to go abroad. I am heartbroken and do not know what to do.
Response
I am well and thanks for enquiring. I am sorry about what happened to you. Love is blind. In your case, however, there were two big red flags you ignored.
His aunt’s comments about your age difference and the refusal by his parents to see you. Age difference varies depending on culture and personal preference.
The fact that he brought friends along with him to pay lobola and not his family shows that he did not have their blessing.
It is a bitter pill to swallow. Please go for professional counselling and start picking up the pieces.
You cannot change someone’s mind if they choose not to love you. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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How can I show my appreciation?
My neighbour and I share a mother-daughter relationship.
When my maid walked out on me, my neighbour helped look after my two-year-old son as if he were her own grandson for a whole month.
My husband insists that we pay her for doing us the favour, but I am not keen on doing so because she did it of her own volition and I fear that expressing our gratitude through money will not look good.
She even offered to assist us in the future if we encounter the same challenge. How do I show appreciation for such a wonderful gesture?
Response
Hello and thanks for writing in. Well done for being so thoughtful and mature.
You are lucky to have such a great neighbour. I agree, money may not be the best way to express your appreciation. I would suggest you buy her a gadget she can use in the kitchen or groceries.
When you give it to her, tell her it is from your son.
Culturally, it means a lot, and she will not say no to it. Well done; keep nurturing this relationship. I wish you all the best.
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I am being body-shamed at work
Dear Amai, I am a 26-year-old woman with a heavy build. I have tried going to the gym and dieting, but it has not given me the results I am looking for.
I eventually stopped because the expenses were piling up and now I mostly exercise at home.
The other day, I gave a female colleague a lift because we were heading in the same direction.
I was shocked when she told me that other ladies at work mock me because of my weight and that my nickname at work is “Piggy”.
I am deeply hurt because we always call each other sisters and do a lot of things together.
My conscience is telling me to take this issue to management so that these women can be brought to book, as body shaming is never okay. How should I handle this situation?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. You are right, body shaming is one of the worst things anyone can do to another human being. The lady you gave a lift to is a trouble stirrer. Why did she wait until then to tell you all this?
When the other ladies do that in her presence what does she do or say? Stop hurting and live your life.
You are trying to get in shape. Keep exercising. Do not dignify this gossip by taking it up the flagpole because there is no tangible proof.
Let sleeping dogs lie. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
