Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope you are doing well. I am a 35-year-old man and a father of three sons. I have been married and divorced three times, and I have one child with each of my ex-wives. By nature, I am a very quiet person, and it seems my previous wives took advantage of that.
However, they underestimated me; I am someone who does not easily forgive. When I reached my limit in each marriage, I ended things and sent them away. Now, I deeply miss my children. I am currently dating someone new and if I am to marry her, she would be my fourth wife. My parents and siblings are urging me to take a break from marriage, but I am truly in love with this woman. I feel completely torn apart and I am looking for your guidance. Please help me.
Response
I am doing very well; thank you for asking. Honestly, it is difficult to imagine a 35-year-old having already gone through three marriages. It seems you may not fully understand the nature of marriage, and you might benefit from seeking professional guidance. Have you ever considered premarital counselling?
Children are precious gifts; since you have three, all with different mothers, you have a duty to be present and active in their lives. Regarding your current girlfriend, please take time to truly know her before considering marrying her. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is noble to forgive others, as it is a vital part of the healing process. My advice is to take things slowly, appreciate the life you have and try not to complicate your situation further.
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My conscience is eating me up
I am a young, married mother of two children. Last week, I bought a few items from a neighbour’s tuck shop. Instead of giving me my US$10 change, he accidentally gave me US$50. I told my husband about this, and he dismissed it, telling me not to worry because it was my “lucky day”. However, this is truly eating me up, and I do not know what to do.
Response
Hello, and thank you for writing in. Yours is a very straightforward issue. It has been a week since this happened and the fact that you are still feeling guilty shows your character.
I am sorry to say that your husband gave you poor advice; integrity is one of the most valuable virtues one can possess.
The tuck shop owner made a mistake, and it is important to sympathise with him. It is unkind to call it “luck” when someone else has suffered a loss.
Follow your heart and return the money. Anything that goes against your conscience is not right for you. Tell your husband that you are going to set things straight. I wish you all the best.
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Father may cost me my job
Dear Amai, how are you? I am a 25-year-old woman who works as a househelp. I took this job because my mother and siblings need financial support.
As the firstborn, it breaks my heart to see my mother struggling to make ends meet. I work for a very kind couple who support me whenever they can.
However, my father is constantly demanding money from me, which he spends primarily on alcohol.
He has now threatened that if I do not comply, he will speak to my employers directly to demand that they pay my salary to him instead of me. Should I talk to my boss about this or is he making an empty threat? I am terrified.
Response
Greetings, dear writer. First, well done for being such a responsible young woman and for being there for your family; you should be proud of yourself. Remember that every job has value and sometimes work is a stepping stone intended to help you at a specific point in your life. Regarding your father, to say the least, his behaviour is an embarrassment.
Instead of putting your hard-earned money to good use for the family, he is squandering it on alcohol. He needs to be stopped. You are a major and you are more than capable of managing your own finances.
I suggest you sit down as a family and discuss these issues. The meeting should be held when he is sober. The second option is to ask a respected relative to mediate. Keep your job and continue doing your very best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
