malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your Sunday Mail column; I have learnt a lot from it. I am a 39-year-old woman and I am married to a man of the same age.
We are blessed with three beautiful children. We met at university.
The love we experienced over the years is slowly dying down, although we do not dare talk about it.
His siblings are all married, but most of them try to push my husband to run our home with an iron fist.
However, they do the opposite and enjoy their relationships.
When he plays hardball, his siblings cheer him up, saying: “Uri chibaba chaicho.”
They ask for money and favours behind my back and they are told never to tell me. When they want long-term loans, they are then referred to me.
I look at our budget and respond accordingly, usually declining because our combined budget does not have much to begin with.
A sister-in-law confided in me, saying I am labelled a “hardhearted” person. When I say no, he still gives them, anyway.
Amai, when I consider that my husband is conspiring with his siblings to make me look like a bad person, I end up heartbroken.
We now argue over simple issues and he has become irritable. Unless I back down, arguments continue to escalate.
I feel like opting out.
Response
Dear big fan, thank you for reaching out to me.
Your letter made my reading very sad. It seems your husband’s family has found a way of winning his favour by giving him false praises.
His behaviour is crude and almost unbelievable.
Why is he throwing you under the bus? You are drifting apart and something has to be done now to mend your relationship.
Very few spouses would let the whole clan call their wife by a mean label and keep quiet about it.
I suggest you talk to your husband candidly about what is going on without exposing the source and then both of you go for professional counselling. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Who stole my phone?
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a boss at a private company in the city.
I misplaced my mobile phone and had no idea where I put it. I alerted my househelp and my office personnel about the issue. A thorough search was conducted, but we did not find it.
Out of the blue, my househelp informed me that she eventually found the phone under our dining room table.
It is still intact. However, I cannot believe her story. I suspect she had stolen it, but I cannot fire her based on suspicion alone.
This househelp is fairly new; she has been with us for just two months and I am very disturbed.
Response
Dear writer, I am very well and thank you for inquiring. I do not want to play the blame game, but I smell a rat.
For your phone to magically reappear under the dining room table is not making any sense at all. It is a common area that is often cleaned on a daily basis.
Surely, she would have stumbled upon the gadget when she was conducting her search.
You are right; you cannot fire her when you do not have any tangible proof. You must, however, remain alert and watchful.
I suggest you instal cameras in your home discreetly if you can afford it. Also, make sure you have the full identity details of this helper, her next of kin and home address. You never know when this information will come in handy.
Finally, yet importantly, try to get to know her circle of friends. It helps when making a character assessment. Usually, birds of a feather flock together. Please keep me posted.
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Tension in the workplace
I work for a local organisation. To be honest, I work hard and whatever I do, I give it my all.
My juniors messed up and a client was devastated and refused to pay for the work that was poorly done. My boss has heaped all the blame on me.
He says I am a bad supervisor. He warned that he will punish our entire department. We know what he means when he says that. We had a bad fallout and I told him I would take him to court if he tried to pile all the blame on me. Amai, what is your take on this one?
Response
Well done for always working hard and doing your best.
That shows your commitment to the job. Your position as supervisor comes at a price. You have to shepherd the flock.
If your department had done well, you were going to get a pat on your back. I doubt you were going to complain about being praised.
The opposite happened and you fumed. I do not really know how best your boss handled this unfortunate incident, but there was no need to lose one’s head and say something you would regret later on.
I know each company has stipulated ways of resolving conflict. I suggest you follow those channels.
You and your team have to be accountable. You can make an appointment and discuss the issue one-on-one like mature bosses when the dust settles. I do not think exchanging words and threatening each other will help you accomplish anything.
Use this stumbling block as a learning curve. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.
Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter