derick.khumalo
By Bra Binzy
Umjolo has no shortage of surprises. Some people are dating partners, others are dating their partner’s phones, exes, bosses, “cousins” and suspicious WhatsApp contacts. This week, Bra Binzy opens the relationship emergency room again.
HE ONLY LOVES ME
WHEN I AM LEAVING
Dear Bra Binzy,
My boyfriend has turned me into a professional quitter.
Whenever everything is fine, he behaves like I am furniture. He barely communicates, takes me for granted and disappears for hours.
But the moment I say I am tired and want to leave, suddenly he becomes Mr Romance.
Flowers arrive.
Long messages appear.
He starts calling me “my queen”.
He promises marriage.
He even tells me he cannot imagine life without me.
Then I forgive him.
Two weeks later, we are back to the same nonsense.
This has happened so many times that my friends now laugh whenever I say I am leaving.
Bra Binzy, I genuinely love this man, but I am exhausted.
Should I give him one final chance?
Tired Queen
Bra Binzy says:
Sisi, your boyfriend has discovered the relationship equivalent of a fire extinguisher.
He only remembers there is a fire when the house is already burning!
You don’t need another promise. You need consistent behaviour.
Anyone can become romantic when they realise they are about to lose access to you. The real test is what happens when they believe you are staying.
Stop announcing your departure every time things go wrong. Make your decision based on the pattern you have already experienced.
If you stay, stay because the relationship has genuinely changed, not because flowers arrived.
And remember, a bouquet is not a personality transplant.
MY GIRLFRIEND HAS A
‘WORK HUSBAND’
Dear Bra Binzy,
My girlfriend has been working at her company for three years and recently she started talking about a man at work she calls her “work husband”.
At first I laughed because I thought it was just office jokes. But now this man appears in almost every conversation.
“My work husband said this.”
“My work husband bought lunch.”
“My work husband understands me.”
Bra Binzy, one day I asked her what exactly a work husband is. She said it is someone at work who is like a husband but without the marriage.
I nearly swallowed my own tongue!
The worst part is that she gets angry whenever I complain. She says I am insecure and that nothing is happening between them.
But if nothing is happening, why does this man know what she likes for lunch, what perfume she wears and when she is having a bad day?
Am I fighting an imaginary husband?
Confused Boyfriend.
Bra Binzy says:
Mfowethu, you are not fighting an imaginary husband. You are fighting a real office husband with a company ID card!
However, before you start camping outside her workplace with binoculars, calm down.
The issue is not the title. The issue is boundaries.
People can have close friends of the opposite sex, including colleagues, without cheating. But when the emotional intimacy becomes so deep that your partner starts giving someone else the privileges normally
reserved for the relationship, problems begin.
Tell your girlfriend exactly what bothers you without accusing her of sleeping with the man.
And please, don’t compete with him by becoming “work boyfriend”. You will soon be sending her Excel spreadsheets just to prove your love.
Set boundaries and watch whether she respects them.
If she says you are insecure every time you raise a reasonable concern, then the bigger problem is no longer the work husband. It is communication.
MY HUSBAND HAS BECOME BEST FRIENDS WITH MY EX
Dear Bra Binzy,
Bra, I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or call a family meeting.
Before I married my husband, I dated another man for almost two years. We eventually broke up and I moved on.
Recently, my husband somehow became friends with my ex.
At first I thought it was harmless. Now they drink together, attend football matches together and even have private jokes that I don’t understand.
Sometimes my husband tells me, “Your ex is actually a good guy.”
I know he is trying to be friendly, but I find the whole situation uncomfortable.
My husband says I am being childish because the relationship ended years ago.
Bra Binzy, am I wrong?
Exhausted Wife.
Bra Binzy says:
Sisi, there is nothing wrong with your husband having friends.
But this situation deserves boundaries because your ex is not just some random gentleman from the neighbourhood. He is someone with whom you previously had an intimate relationship.
You don’t get to control every friendship your spouse has, but you absolutely get to explain why a particular friendship makes you uncomfortable.
Talk to your husband calmly.
And whatever you do, don’t start competing with your ex.
If they are discussing football while you are sitting there wondering whether they have formed the Association of Former Boyfriends and Current Husbands, you have a communication problem.
The solution is not surveillance. It is honesty.
Your husband should understand your discomfort, while you should also respect his right to choose his friendships.
FINAL WORD
Umjolo is not a driving licence. You don’t get points for surviving unnecessary accidents.
If someone repeatedly hurts you, don’t confuse apologies with change. If someone makes you uncomfortable, speak up before resentment becomes a full-time tenant in your heart. And if your partner has a “work
husband”, “work wife” or mysterious “bestie”, remember: friendship is allowed, but boundaries are compulsory.
Until next time, Bra Binzy says love loudly, communicate clearly and never ignore red flags just because they are wearing perfume.Want Bra Binzy to fix your messy umjolo situation?
n Email: [email protected]
n WhatsApp: +263 789 685 733 Use the hashtag #DearBraBinzy
Online Reporter