Love is not easily angered

Nolwazi Mnikwa, Relationships

HAVE you ever realised how a baby can scream, scratch his or her parents, wet themselves and the parents do not seem to get irritated but respond to the baby with such gentleness. Or have you ever realised how a toddler can use their crayons to draw on the floor or wall or whatever they view as a suitable place to make their drawing, yet their parents will not respond with anger but they will correct their little ones with love. This kind of response is one that evidences love and the fact that love is not easily angered. This kind of response is an example that friendships, marriages and other types of relationships can learn from. 

To be angered is to be annoyed, irritated, vexed, displeased, enraged, infuriated, inflamed, raffled, exasperated, put off, antagonised, aggravated or rubbed off the wrong way.

When you love someone you are not easily irritated by them, you are not easily annoyed, you are not quick to get angry with them but you patiently try and understand them. When you love someone, you empathise with them, which means to put yourself in their shoes so as to try and understand them from their angle. In empathising with your loved one, not only do you get to understand why they did or do things the way they do, but you also get to feel how they feel concerning certain matters.

Marriage is the coming together of two completely different individuals from different backgrounds with different perspectives in life. It is no surprise that there will be disagreements here and there, it is also no surprise that one spouse may carry themselves or do things that the other spouse may not like. It is easy to become angered in such instances; however, anger should not be an option. The two should try their best to keep calm so they may be at an advantage of speaking rationally. The problem with anger is that anger magnifies realities; it makes things seem bigger than they are. Anger also clouds judgment thus making it difficult to reach a conducive solution for two people. There is basically no calmness or rationality in anger thus no problems can be solved in a state of anger. 

The next time you and your spouse do not share the same opinion on a matter; do not respond by getting angry, ranting, shouting or screaming. Rather try to respond calmly; if it means you take some deep breaths for you to be calm then do so, if it means you need a bit of time to compose yourself, communicate that with your spouse and take a walk so that when you sit down to speak with your spouse, you are calm. If your spouse also needs to first take a walk so as to attain that state of calmness, then let your spouse do so. 

Remember love is patient. It is in being patient with those you love that you do not allow yourself to be easily angered towards them. Anger in most instances does not contribute to helping situations but makes situations worse. Have you realised that when you are angry at someone, you start thinking of the other things they did wrong? In your moment of anger, you subconsciously forget all the good traits about the person you are angry with and the focus is directed towards the negative. 

 

When you are angry with someone you can even remember what the person did to you on a specific day, in a specific year and at a specific time. All the negative thoughts of the past will only add fuel to your current state of anger and you find yourself at an escalated level of anger. These thoughts that fuel your current state of anger contribute to magnifying what you are angry about; making it appear to be bigger than it actually is. In order to avoid what I will refer to as an exaggerated state of anger, it is important to practice taking control of one’s emotions which involves being slow to anger.

If anger is your immediate response, you will not be able to view the situation objectively but from a one-sided angle. Take a group of friends for instance; if you hear that friend x said something about you and you just get angry at them, you will not listen to the other side of the story objectively. Your approach to this matter will be biased on that which you heard first which may not be necessarily true. When you approach such a situation or any situation calmly and rationally, you are also able to apply your analysis to the situation. However; if anger is your immediate response, you will respond from an emotional angle which you will likely regret when you become calm at a later stage. SO to avoid these kinds of regrets, my encouragement to you would be to learn to take control of your emotions so that you are not easily angered.

Love is not easily angered because love is patient and also because love is kind. Patience and kindness are two characteristics that neither promote nor prioritize anger.

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.