Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am a man aged 30 who has fallen in love with a 24-year-old commercial sex worker.
She came clean to me when I asked her about her profession. I can’t forget about her and I want her in my life. I am afraid that my family will judge me if they come to learn about it. How best can I handle this situation?
Tete Joyie Says:
This is a very complex and emotionally charged situation, and it is good that you are thinking carefully about it instead of rushing. Let us break it down into a few key areas:
Your feelings
You have developed genuine affection for her, and that matters. Love does not always follow the paths society expects.
It is important to ask yourself: Do I love her for who she is now, or am I hoping she will change into someone else? That distinction will guide your decisions.
Her honesty
She was upfront with you about her lifestyle, which shows courage and respect. That honesty is a strong foundation for trust.
But you will need to understand whether she wants to continue in that life, or whether she is open to change. Her goals matter as much as yours.
Family and social judgment
Families often judge based on social stigma rather than the person’s character. You cannot control their reaction, but you can control how you prepare for it.
If you decide to pursue this relationship, you will need to be ready to stand firm in your choice, even if your family disapproves.
Sometimes, introducing her gradually and letting them see her qualities beyond the label can soften judgment.
Practical considerations
Relationships with someone in sex work can bring challenges: trust issues, health concerns, social stigma. These are real and should be faced openly.
Communication is key. Talk with her about what she wants for her future, and whether your visions align.
Protect both of you emotionally and physically safe boundaries and health precautions are essential.
How to handle it
1. Have an honest conversation with her about what she wants long-term. Is she open to leaving that lifestyle, or does she see it as part of her identity?
2. Reflect on your own values. Can you accept her fully as she is, even if she does not change?
3. Prepare for family reactions. Decide whether you will be open with them or keep it private until the relationship is stronger.
4. Seek support. Talking to a counsellor or trusted friend outside the family can help you process your feelings without judgment.
My perspective: If you truly want her in your life, the most important step is to build a relationship based on mutual respect and clear communication. Family judgment is secondary you can’t control it, but you can control how you respond.
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Revenge pregnancy haunts woman
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have been married for 10 years, and throughout this time my husband and I have struggled to have a child.
Recently, he began cheating on me. Out of anger and hurt, I sought revenge by sleeping with my ex—just once — but I became pregnant. Now I am overwhelmed with guilt and feel no emotional connection to my unborn child. At times, I even find myself wishing for a stillbirth. I pray daily for God’s forgiveness, but my husband continues to be unfaithful. I feel deeply troubled, burdened by guilt, and unable to sleep at night. How can I cope with this situation?
Tete Joyie Says:
I hear the pain and guilty in what you have shared, and I want to acknowledge how heavy this must feel for you. You are carrying multiple layers of hurt infertility struggles, betrayal in your marriage, your own choices made in anger, and now the complicated emotions around your pregnancy. It makes sense that you feel conflicted and overwhelmed.
Here are some thoughts on how you might begin to deal with this:
Processing your emotions
Guilt and sleeplessness are signs that your mind is struggling to reconcile your actions with your values. It is important to face these feelings rather than suppress them.
Lack of attachment to your unborn child can happen when pregnancy is tied to trauma or conflict. This does not mean you are a bad person. It means you are hurting and need support.
Spiritual dimension
You have been praying for forgiveness, which shows you are seeking peace. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. It involves both accepting God’s mercy and forgiving yourself.
Instead of praying for harm to your child, you might shift toward asking for strength, clarity, and healing. That change in focus can help ease the guilt.
Relationship realities
Your husband’s ongoing infidelity is a deep wound. Whether or not you continue the marriage, you deserve honesty and respect.
Revenge cheating was a reaction to pain, not a solution. Recognising that is part of your healing, but dwelling only on guilt will keep you stuck.
Practical steps forward
1. Seek counselling or therapy. A professional can help you process guilt, trauma, and the pregnancy in a safe space.
2. Talk to a trusted confidant. Carrying this alone intensifies the burden. Sharing with someone supportive can bring relief.
3. Focus on your well-being. Sleep, nutrition, and stress management are vital for both you and your baby.
4. Decide on your marriage’s future. You may need to ask yourself whether staying with your husband is healthy for you long-term.
5. Shift perspective on the child. Instead of seeing the pregnancy as punishment, try to see it as a new beginning even if it wasn’t planned.
Important Note
The thoughts you have expressed about hoping for a stillbirth are very serious. If those feelings intensify, please reach out to a mental health professional or someone you trust immediately. You don’t have to go through this alone, and support is available.
You are in a painful chapter, but it does not have to define your whole story. Healing will take time, but it starts with compassion for yourself, for your situation, and for the life growing inside you.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
