Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I have been living with my husband for the past three years and we are blessed with a son.
Before we got together, he left his first wife of 20 years.
He said they constantly argued and had problems too significant to resolve.
They have four children together. When we started our relationship, he promised he would never look back or have anything to do with his ex-wife.
I welcomed him into my apartment and he moved in.
However, two weeks ago, he told me he was leaving for a work trip for a few days, but he never returned. Instead, he sent me a message saying he had gone back to his wife and children.
I am deeply hurt and upset that he wasted my time, especially considering that we share a child.
Should I confront him? Also, how can I recover my money?
He lived with me for three years and I covered many of his living expenses.
Response
I am very well; thanks for asking. I am sorry about what happened. Reading between the lines,
I take it you and this man were never legally married. You cannot turn back the clock, but you should have sought advice before opening your home to him.
You knew he was married because he told you about his family.
He took advantage of you and enjoyed the best of both worlds — and in the process, an innocent child was born. Do not go to his house to cause trouble.
As for the expenses, you need to write them off as a loss since you made those payments on your own free will.
You must move on without him. Approach a civil court and begin the process of claiming child support.
He is legally required to be in the child’s life, and the court will ensure he meets his obligations.
Learn from this ordeal and continue to grow as a person. Watch out for red flags in future so you are not taken advantage of again.
Please consult a counsellor to help you accept the reality of the situation and map a way forward. I wish you all the best.
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Churchmate took advantage of me
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail, which I follow every week.
I am 25 years old and I run a small, unregistered business where people borrow money and repay it with interest at the end of each month.
An elderly man from our church heard about this and borrowed quite a large sum.
However, he has failed to service his debt for two consecutive months.
I warned him that I would have to forcibly attach something from his house, but he is now threatening to report me to the police, saying chimbadzo is illegal. I am at a loss as to how I can recover my money. Please help.
Response
Hello and thank you for supporting the column.
Businesses of this nature must be registered, as required by law. The way you are operating can lead to arrest since it is illegal.
In Zimbabwe, running an unregistered or unlicensed money-lending business is a statutory offence, under the Microfinance Act (Chapter 24:29), which regulates both credit-only and deposit-taking microfinanciers, and the Moneylending and Rates of Interest Act (Chapter 14:14).
The man from your church exploited your lack of knowledge and is now using it to intimidate you.
You may need to write off this debt and focus on registering your business as soon as possible to operate legally. Once registered, you will be able to use official legal channels to recover funds from future debtors.
I sympathise with your situation, but this correction must be made.
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Last chance at love
I have been very unlucky in love, but I really want to get married. I have an excellent job, and I own a beautiful home.
I am 48 and I have never been married.
I am dating a 53-year-old divorcee. He promised to marry me.
He is very abusive.
He beats me up when he gets angry; he goes through my phone whenever he wants.
I have lost most of my friends because he tells them off. I am now confused. Should I hang on because of the promise or run for cover?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. You should “never” entertain an abusive lover. Many people have lost their lives in such relationships. Marriage or not, this guy will never change — no wonder he is a divorcee.
Stay away from this man. Live your life. If marriage is for you, it will find you effortlessly.
Do not hesitate to report him to the authorities should he try to re-enter your life. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
