Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Last week I asked: “How healthy is your marriage and what is your part in how it is looking?” Some responded honestly about their grievances. I mulled over the various responses all week and asked myself: Why do some grown people — good people — act like this in love?
Then I came across a poster with a heading that seemed to answer me, credited to Prophetess Khue, guest speaker for a gathering dubbed the Queen’s Assembly to be held early next month in Bulawayo. It said: “Marry only when you’ve outgrown the child in you.”
I reached out Prophetess Khue to learn more on this bold statement. I share below the discussion:
Q&A with Prophetess Khue
Q: You say we must “marry only when you’ve outgrown the child in you.” What does that child look like in a 30 or 40-year-old who wants to marry?
A: “Thank you for having me. When we talk about the ‘child in you,’ we are not talking about age. We are talking about a spiritual and emotional state. It is that part of us that has not yet been conformed to the image of Christ in relationships. This ‘child’ can be a 45-year-old CEO, a 30-year-old pastor, or a 25-year-old graduate. Age is not the evidence of maturity.
First, the child demands to be served, rather than seeking to serve. An adult who has not outgrown this child will enter marriage asking, ‘What can this person do for me?’ They see marriage as a consumer transaction, not a covenant of service. But Mark 10:45 says even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.
Second, the child cannot handle delayed gratification or conflict. In an adult, this looks like the silent treatment, the explosive outburst, or running away when things get hard. They have not learned that love is patient — 1 Corinthians 13:4.
Third, the child is a blamer. Always the victim in every story. They cannot say, ‘I was wrong. I am sorry.’
Finally, the child has not separated from their parents — not physically, but emotionally. They cannot make a decision without consulting their mother. They have not yet been joined as one flesh — Genesis 2:24.
Deal with the child first. Let the Holy Spirit father you. Because if you marry as a child, you will not build a home; you will build a playhouse, and it will not stand.”
Q: Some people believe this: “Marriage will fix my loneliness.” What is the truth?
A: “This is one of the most dangerous lies of our generation, and it has shipwrecked countless lives.
Loneliness is real. God Himself said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’ — Genesis 2:18. I am not dismissing your longing. I am redirecting it. But marriage does not cure loneliness. It exposes it. You can be married and still feel alone. Why? Because loneliness is not about the absence of people. It is about the absence of connection — with God and with yourself.
If you cannot sit in a room alone with God and feel His presence, if you need another human to validate your existence every moment, you are not ready. You are looking for a saviour, and your spouse is not Jesus.
The single season is not punishment. It is preparation. A person who is whole in singleness brings wholeness into marriage. A person who is desperate in singleness brings desperation into marriage. And desperation is a terrible foundation for covenant.
There is a lie that says, “Once I get married, I will stop struggling with lust.” No. If you don’t deal with it as a single, you carry it into marriage. There is a lie that says, “Once I get married, I will feel worthy.” No. If you don’t know who you are in Christ as a single, you will look to your spouse to give you identity. And when they fail – because they are human – you will crumble.
Marriage is not a hospital. It is a gymnasium. Not a place where you go to be healed passively. It is a place where you go to be trained, stretched and strengthened.
So come to Jesus. Let Him fill you. Let Him heal you. Then when you are whole, your marriage will not be a place of need. It will be a place of overflow.”
Q: What are you believing God for . . . at Queen’s Assembly?
A: “I am believing God for nothing less than a resurrection. When I think of the women . . .I see daughters. Some have been told they are not enough. Some are strong outside but crumbling inside. Some have been through divorce, abuse, betrayal. Some are single, hopeful, but tired. Some are married but invisible. Some carry the pain of their mothers and grandmothers.
I am believing for a healing transformation — that He will heal wounds of rejection, abandonment, abuse. That women will walk in with ashes and walk out with beauty — Isaiah 61:3.
I am believing for deliverance — chains of fear, insecurity, comparison, bitterness, unforgiveness, soul ties. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed — John 8:36.
I am believing for identity transformation — that women will see themselves as God sees them. Not as the world sees them. As daughters of the Most High King. As queens. As co-heirs with Christ — Romans 8:17.
I am not expecting a service. I am expecting an encounter. Come as a woman. Leave as a queen.”
Prophetess Khue is on to something: Indeed loneliness is not cured at ‘the altar.’ It is cured at the altar of God first.
I would love to hear your experience. We can learn from one another.
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