Online Reporter
Coach Molly Chuma
Grooming Correspondent
ETIQUETTE has never been about outdated rules or trying to appear superior.
At its heart, etiquette is simply the art of showing respect and consideration for others. As society changes, so do the situations in which we need good manners.
Modern etiquette helps us navigate technology, relationships, workplaces, public spaces and social interactions with confidence, kindness and awareness.
One of the most important principles of modern etiquette is respecting personal boundaries. People have different comfort levels regarding physical space, conversations, photographs, social media and communication. Do not assume that because you know someone, you have unlimited access to their time, home, phone or personal information. Ask before borrowing belongings, sharing photographs or discussing private matters. Respecting boundaries is a sign of maturity, not distance.
Technology has also changed the way we communicate. Good digital etiquette means thinking before posting, forwarding or commenting. Avoid sending messages at unreasonable hours unless the matter is urgent. Do not expect immediate replies simply because someone is online. Remember that being available on a device does not mean someone is available to you. Give people the freedom to respond when they are able.
Social media requires particular responsibility. Your online presence is part of your personal brand, whether you intend it to be or not. Avoid public arguments, insults and unnecessary exposure of private matters. Before posting a photograph of someone else, ask for permission. Not every personal achievement, family moment or disagreement needs to become public content. Discretion is still an important part of elegance.
Modern etiquette also applies to networking. Meeting someone should not immediately become an opportunity to sell yourself. Start with genuine interest. Ask questions, listen to the answers and look for common ground. Exchange contact details appropriately and follow up afterwards when there is a meaningful reason to do so. Good networking is about building relationships, not collecting as many contacts as possible.
In the workplace, modern etiquette means being professional while recognising that people have different personalities, cultures and working styles. Be punctual, communicate clearly and respect colleagues’ time. Avoid unnecessary interruptions, gossip and conversations that make others uncomfortable. Give credit where it is due and address problems directly rather than discussing colleagues behind their backs.
Modern etiquette also includes inclusivity. We live and work among people with different backgrounds, ages, abilities, cultures and perspectives. Do not make assumptions about someone’s life, appearance or circumstances. Pronounce names correctly, use respectful language and be willing to learn when someone explains a preference or concern. Courtesy does not require us to know everything; it requires us to remain teachable.
Public-space etiquette remains just as relevant. Keep your voice at a reasonable level, respect queues, dispose of rubbish properly and avoid blocking entrances, walkways or shared facilities. On public transport, consider elderly passengers, people with disabilities, parents with young children and anyone who may need a seat. Small acts of consideration make shared spaces more pleasant for everyone.
Modern dating and social relationships also require clear communication. Respect another person’s time and boundaries. If plans change, communicate instead of disappearing. Declining an invitation does not require an elaborate explanation, and accepting one should be followed by reasonable commitment. Ghosting may be common, but it should not become the standard for respectful communication. Honesty, kindness and clarity remain timeless.
Another modern etiquette issue is the use of phones during social occasions. A phone can be useful, but constantly checking it while someone is speaking sends a message that the device is more important than the person in front of you. At meals, meetings and meaningful conversations, practise being present. Giving someone your undivided attention is one of the most valuable forms of respect.
Good etiquette also means knowing when not to correct someone publicly. If a person makes a mistake that does not affect others, embarrassment is rarely helpful. Offer correction privately and constructively when it is necessary. Similarly, not every disagreement requires a public response. Emotional intelligence is knowing when to speak, how to speak and when silence is the wiser choice.
Modern etiquette is ultimately about adapting without losing our values. We can embrace technology, new forms of communication and changing social norms while still practising respect, kindness, discretion, punctuality and consideration. The tools may change, but the principles remain.
Coach Molly Chuma is an author, grooming and etiquette coach, confidence mentor and leadership development trainer. She is the founder of The Luminary Institute of Leadership and Etiquette and a weekly Herald columnist. Through her work, she equips individuals, schools and organisations with practical skills in etiquette, professionalism, personal branding and confident communication. Coach Molly is passionate about making etiquette accessible, practical and relevant to everyday life. For training, coaching and speaking engagements, contact +263 771 496 175.
