Online Reporter
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am 41 years old and my husband is 43. We have three children together. We own a house in town and another in a rural area. We also have two vehicles — a truck and a sedan.
The truck is mainly used for our rural projects. My husband is gainfully employed and I run several income-generating projects from home. As a result, we are often the envy of many relatives and friends.
I am writing to you because my mother-in-law has been causing distress.
She frequently claims she dreams about me appearing as a witch. She shares these dreams with anyone who cares to listen.
Unfortunately, I have noticed that some people have started avoiding me and others have directly confronted me about these allegations.
I have even lost some of my regular customers because of the rumours.
I informed my husband about the issue, but he did nothing to address it.
I am heartbroken.
I have stopped visiting my mother-in-law, despite our homesteads being close to each other.
I have also stopped my children from going there.
Their grandfather is very close to them and this situation has deeply upset him.
Please help.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. I also want to congratulate you on your hard work. It is sad how people can easily destroy families over unfounded allegations.
I wonder why your mother-in-law is so obsessed with dreams? The dream world is not tangible.
Most, if not all, dreams are open to interpretation. I am sorry that this is taking a toll on your business and public image. This is not how family members should treat each other.
Your father-in-law also seems to be quiet on the matter, but he should play an active role in resolving it.
I suggest you talk to your husband and ask him to call a family meeting where the issue can be addressed candidly. It is also very important to have relatives from your mother-in-law’s side present so that what is discussed is not distorted later.
Please do not involve the children in these disputes, as making them pick sides can tear the family apart even further.
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Is sharing a helper
a wise idea?
Dear Amai, I am a 38-year-old mother and wife with a very good neighbour; we are like sisters, sharing the same totem.
Our families have grown very close as a result. Last week, I interviewed a live-in househelp for my home but soon realised I could not afford her on my own.
I spoke to my neighbour and we thought it would be a good idea to share her. She would work three days at each home and have Sunday off. The helper initially agreed to this, but my husband thinks it is a bad arrangement. What is your take on this?
Response
Your neighbour is rightfully your sister because sharing a totem is significant in our culture. I understand your financial situation, as times are tough.
However, I must be honest. I believe your husband is right. Sharing a helper, especially a live-in one, is one of the worst things you could do.
It could easily destroy the strong relationship you have built with your neighbour over the years.
You may start hearing things you have never heard before and begin to see your relationship from a different perspective.
My advice is to let sleeping dogs lie. Sharing a househelp is not as simple as sharing a gardener.
Househelps are in close proximity to the family and are bound to pick up on personal matters. I suggest you continue your search for a helper you can afford on your own. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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The love of my life won’t take me back
I am 24 years old and I dated the love of my life for two years. I gave my all to this girl and she did the same.
I showered her with all kinds of gifts. Last week, she sent a message informing me that it was over and she was no longer interested in me.
I went to see her and she said the same thing to my face. I insisted that she tell me the truth. Amai, I am still in shock.
She claims she was trying to see if she would grow to truly love me, but she failed. What can I do to win her back? I have tried every trick in the book and nothing is working.
Response
I am sorry you have found yourself in this difficult situation. It is sad that she wasted your precious time; you can never get it back.
As heartbreaking as your issue is, I think it is better that you learnt how she truly feels about you before you committed yourself further by marrying her.
You must now accept your reality. Do not worry about the gifts; that is water under the bridge. It is time to close this chapter and move on.
You are still young and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Move on with a new sense of wisdom and life will reward you for not giving up.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
