Online Reporter
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I am 38 years old and married to a man of the same age. We have two children.
Two years ago, my in-laws gave us a piece of land kumusha (rural home). Although we do not live there, we have workers who manage the land, where we grow maize and sugar beans.
We usually visit during weekends and holidays. Recently, my mother-in-law started harvesting our produce without permission, either for her own consumption or to give away to friends and family.
When my husband confronted her, her response was deeply upsetting. She claimed she is not a thief and insisted that, because they “gave” us the land, it still ultimately belongs to her.
We invest significantly in seeds, fertiliser and labour. Due to this lack of respect, I am considering abandoning the project. I would appreciate your advice on how to move forward.
Response
Dear writer, thank you for reaching out. Well done for utilising the land given to you by your in-laws. I think your mother-in-law is playing hardball.
You must be the bigger person and voice your concerns. Have a meeting with immediate family members and let her know about how you feel when she takes your produce without seeking permission.
When you gift someone land, it does not mean you automatically have a stake in whatever is grown on that plot. Why should she take your maize and beans when she has the same crops on her land?
Try as much as possible to establish boundaries and explain how poor management of produce affects your bottom line.
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I don’t recognise
my spouse anymore
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have two teenage children.
For as long as I can remember, he never drank alcohol due to our shared religious beliefs. In fact, his parents are elders in our church.
Recently, however, I have noticed that he has a new circle of friends and has picked up the habit of drinking from them.
We tried to discuss this matter as a family, but he now insists on finding a church that has no restrictions on alcohol.
My in-laws eventually involved our pastor to try and reason with him, which was incredibly embarrassing.
He refused to meet with the pastor, stating that he no longer considers him his shepherd. What can we do to help him change his mind?
Response
It is very disturbing when a member of the family abruptly starts behaving in an unusual manner.
I am glad you tried to rein him in as family, although he refused to comply. I may be wrong, but I suspect that your husband may have been drinking privately all along and no longer wants to remain on that path.
His friends could have a hand in this, but this is not conclusive.
If you can reach a compromise, consider that he wants to remain in the same religion but in a church that tolerates alcohol if taken in moderation.
I encourage the family and church to give him space as he struggles to reach a decision. Put it in prayer. Unfortunately, you are dealing with an adult who is free to make his own choice. I wish you all the best.
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Should I go by what
the grapevine says?
Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a 23-year-old man who is single.
Currently, I do menial jobs at various homesteads while living with my parents, who are tenants here in town.
Recently, a couple I occasionally work for offered me a full-time position at their rural home.
Initially, I accepted, but their domestic worker has since warned me against it. She claims the couple pays poorly and that no one stays employed by them for more than two months.
She had very few kind words for them. I have also noticed that while other employers offer me food and refreshments while I work, this couple provides nothing.
The worker explained she only remains there because they owe her a significant amount of money; she plans to leave as soon as she is paid. Amai, should I take this job or stay where I am?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. Well done for being such a hard worker and being your own boss. When you give your word, you should stand by it. You cannot rely on gossip. How do you know that the househelp was telling you the whole truth? What is in it for her? Be your own man.
The question you should be asking yourself is whether you want the job or not. Put into writing an agreement that states your salary and the pay dates, scope of work and leave days, and whatever comes with it.
Have a sit-down with the couple and iron out your agreement before you commit. You never know, this could be a breakthrough in your life or even a blessing. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
