Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I am a happily married mother of three.
My husband has four siblings: three brothers and one sister, with his sister being the eldest.
My sisters-in-law and I take turns buying groceries for our in-laws every month.
Recently, my mother-in-law told me point-blank that I am different from the rest because I buy cheaper brands and she openly gives those items away to her workers.
She now demands that we give her cash instead.
I told my husband that I no longer want to contribute or do anything for her, but he thinks I am being too extreme. This has caused tension between us. How do we resolve this?
Response
Hello writer and thank you so much for getting in touch.
As much as some people are very particular about what they eat or drink, I think your mother-in-law is brewing a storm in a teacup.
If she did not like the groceries to begin with, why did she accept them in the first place? At least she spoke her piece.
You and your husband must not bicker; instead, try to move forward. Agree on a budget so that when your turn comes, you can give her cash.
Another option would be to shop for what she wants that is within your budget, as long as it comes from the heart.
Ask her what brands she prefers. You can avoid all this pettiness without causing a scene.
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My husband behaves like a teenager
Dear Amai, I am 24 and have a one-year-old son. My husband is 25, but he behaves like a child.
We have been married for two years and although we are both gainfully employed, most of his money is spent on pleasure.
You can trace the drama all the way back to our wedding night, when he wanted to go on a drinking spree with his friends instead of spending quality time with me, his bride.
He hero-worships his wayward friends, and they always come first in his life. His parents have tried to help him, but he just tells them off.
I have come to the end of my rope and feel like opting out.
My parents are saying I can come back home. I am confused and do not know what to do.
Response
Greetings, dear writer. Your letter broke my heart.
Considering your age and your infant son, who is also part of the equation, this situation must be handled with care.
I assume you did not go for pre-marital counselling; in hindsight, that step would have helped identify so many red flags.
How long did you date each other? I feel like that would have also helped you get a read on your partner. The combination of bad friends and excessive drinking leads to endless marital problems.
Before you jump the gun, try to go for professional counselling so a roadmap can be established. Your husband must buy in and commit himself to making changes or risk losing his family. I wish you well.
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I feel imprisoned
I am 18 years old and, according to the law, I am an adult who can choose what to do with my life.
I did not do well at my Ordinary Levels, so I have no career prospects and spend most of my time hanging out with friends.
I still reside with my parents and two of my younger siblings; the two older ones are abroad.
When I go out, I am told I should come back before the gate is locked. At times, they do not leave supper for me when I am not around. I feel imprisoned.
Even my friends are vetted. Why am I being treated like a child? How do I claim my freedom?
Response
Hello and thanks for writing in. Your letter left me with more questions than answers.
Adulthood is not just about being above the age of 18; it comes with a lot of responsibilities.
You did not say much about yourself — do you help your parents and siblings around the home? Is there a reason why your parents vet your friends? Try to improve yourself educationally or acquire a skill to earn a living.
Sit down with your parents and talk about life and where you see yourself in the future.
You are not at the end of the road. However, you do not want to waste your youth. Listen to your parents and choose a path that your future self will thank you for.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
