Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married woman with three children.
My husband has three brothers, so there are four daughters-in-law in total, including me. In our family, there is a standing rule that compels the daughters-in-law to buy groceries for our mother-in-law every month.
We use a set list, which leads to a lot of wasteful duplication because we all end up buying exactly the same items.
What makes this situation unfair is that tete, who is unmarried and has four children, also lives at the family home.
Although she works and earns an income, she does not contribute to the household groceries at all. Furthermore, our mother-in-law is a prominent giver at church and frequently donates these groceries to the needy.
While giving back is a noble cause, my family is struggling to make ends meet and this financial strain is deeply affecting us. On behalf of my fellow daughters-in-law, how can we address this issue and make the arrangement fairer for everyone?
Response
Hello writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. Your mother-in-law’s stance is not fair. Her daughter — who has four children — should not be exempted from pitching in since she is gainfully employed. She should take care of her children and their fathers should also contribute.
You need to suggest this idea to your husband. If the grocery provision list does not change, why don’t you take turns buying the items each month? Have a meeting to decide who buys what and when.
While it is unfortunate that you cannot control how the groceries are used, continue doing what works well for everyone.
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Eldest brother
is a menace
Hello Amai. I have three brothers and two sisters. The eldest sibling is our brother and he is very entitled. Both of our parents passed away and he has assumed the role of father figure.
Every now and then over the years, we take turns hosting different family events. As a family, we have noticed that no event has ever been hosted at his house.
Instead, he and his wife are very cunning and always at the forefront when it comes to organising the venue and they are always the first to pack away the leftovers into their car. This is very annoying, but no one is willing to address the issue. How do we get around this diplomatically?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. Despite the challenge you singled out, let me congratulate you on being a wonderful family that spends quality time together, which is very rare nowadays.
Your brother and his wife are in a league of their own when it comes to being cunning.
As a family, you need to put a few housekeeping rules in place.
I think you need a schedule where you plan events, the dates of the occasions and the host’s name — obviously, his name will be there, too.
You should also suggest that the hosts oversee the distribution of leftovers so that one couple does not always jump the gun. You need to get buy-in from all group members. I wish you all the best.
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Friend tricked me
out of US$500
Amai, how are you? A few weeks ago, my friends and I went on a night out drinking where we took turns buying rounds of beer. During the night, my friend asked if I had US$500 to spare.
I said yes and handed it to him and he promised to repay me the following day. When I asked for my money back, he claimed he had no memory of asking for it.
I am deeply disappointed, especially considering that even my wife does not believe my story. While I acknowledge that he bought beer and food that I also consumed that night, I still want my money back. There is now a lot of tension between us. How can we resolve this?
Response
I am very well, and thank you for inquiring. Your letter made me very sad, knowing that you spent a lot of unbudgeted money on food and drinks. Surely, you have other pressing responsibilities. If you have been following this column, you should have learnt by now not to give away resources such as money without concrete arrangements in place. You could have saved yourself all these problems if you had simply said you did not have the US$500 at that moment.
If you remember giving him the money, then you were not too drunk. My advice is to write this off as a bad debt because it is your word against his. Take it as a lesson and a clear revelation of your so-called friend’s character. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
